Wednesday, July 25, 2012
First day back...
[Most of tthis post was written last night. I added some in today. I don't have internet at the house and so I couldn't post it. I tried to change the tense of everything, but there may be some words that I looked past. Just wanted to clear things up so there isn't confusion!!]
I moved 90% of the boxes into the house that I am staying in for a little while. It's a super cute house, only down side is there is no air conditioning and it's really, really stuffy and hot. I don't do well in heat ;-) Sitting in the fan isn't too bad, but the moment you move it's awful. Thankfully it cools down quite a bit at night, and so with open widows and a fan it's very comfortable. I even got cold last night so that's a good sign!
I don't think that I'll be spending a lot of time in the house anyway. I'll probably be at internet cafes and libraries job hunting and trying to look for a more permanent house. The sooner I find a place the better so that I can settle in quicker and have all of my stuff with me. I'm praying that a job will come through quickly so I don't have to use too much of my savings money on food, gas, just any expense. I need one to at least tide me over until this phlebotomy class starts and I can get a job as a phlebotomist. I ask again, if you know any places hiring, please let me know asap!
I did find a job that I'm going to apply for ASAP! I'm working on my resume and cover letter, hopefully will be able to send in the application tomorrow afternoon! I *really* do want this job, it's perfect. And so I'm working hard on getting an interview!!!
Last night I was exhausted! Hot, moody, lonely, tired, bored… you name it. But I know that most everything I was feeling was due to having a long day driving, being in a new place, not really knowing where anything is since I'm not familiar with Ogden, and the initial adjustment of being out here. Today as been better and as the week goes on it should continue to get better. Just have to get over this initial adjustment and figure out how to organize my days. I can already tell I'm going to go crazy not having anything to do!!!
The first day or two of being back in Utah is always hard, and really strange. This time definitely isn't any different! I feel pretty disoriented, trying to get re-used to the city, the mountains, the people, and the accessibility among other things. I feel like I'm in a haze, just kind of drifting by. This feeling isn't a stranger, but it's a feeling I don't care for, honestly.
It's really strange being in a house without any one else. For the first time in a very long time, I'm completely alone. There were several times for a very, very split second (almost not even long enough for it to register) that I wanted to call Spencer or wanted to ask him something. And then of course I'd realize that he wasn't there. If I would have been thinking, I would have had one of my friends meet me at the house to help me unload my boxes and to just make sure I was settled in. I think it would have eased me into it a little bit easier. But that thought didn't cross my mind. Moving the boxes into the house myself made me realize that I really was alone. I wasn't necessarily upset -- but it was one of those feelings that I haven't really ever had before.
I had an interesting and weird experience last night. I had to run to Smiths to get some food. As I was getting ready to check-out I had a couple of guys (kind of weird and run down looking) come up behind me and say "girl you look so fine". Ohhhh dear. I half-way said thank you in a pretty annoyed voice and walked away. He then said "I didn't mean it to be rude" and then I realized the tone of voice I said it in and smiled at him and said thank you, and then walked away…. feeling so weird. I've NEVER, EVER had anyone say ANYTHING like that to me in passing. And I may have actually been flattered (considering I was sweating from head to toe and I probably stuck like crazy lol) had he said it way, way differently and if he didn't look so run down. I felt pretty uneasy as I was getting ready to go back to my car since it was getting dark out and it seemed like they were taking their time, just waiting for me to check out…. so I asked the guy who bagged my groceries if he could walk me out to my car because of said situation. He did with no problem. the guys were outside on their bikes, I'm glad I asked. I don't know that I would have been harassed or anything would have happened… but I'd rather be safe than sorry.
I thought that being in Utah for the 24th of July (Pioneer Day here) would be cool. I really don't know what I was thinking. Jokes on me, I guess. I HATE being alone on holidays. On days where I KNOW that family is together. That friends are together. It really hurts my heart and really makes me miss Spencer. I guess I should have been thinking and asked some friends to go watch fireworks with me so I wouldn't be by myself. That or just came out on the 25th instead. Whoops. Oh well… It's all a learning experience.
I took a sleeping pill last night for the first time in a LONG time. I haven't been able to sleep the past 2 nights, and since I'm in a new place, different noises, lots of heat, I figured I could use the assistance in sleeping. I'm happy to say that it worked like a charm and I slept very well!
Tomorrow is another new day. I might go to salt lake city for the familiarity. If I'm up to it maybe see some friends. We'll just have to see how things go, what mood I'm in, and what I feel like doing. I'm not going to push myself to see anyone for at least this first week. I need to adjust. I need to focus on ME and my needs.
I am excited for Saturday. My best friends, Christine and Adam, invited me over for games and a BBQ. Always love get togethers with them and their friends, who will hopefully become my friends soon as well.
Well it's about time I head back to the house, throw my hair up in a pony tail, sweat like crazy, and cook some dinner. Hopefully it cools down soon so I can enjoy an evening outside reading a good book =)