Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
If I am distant, not talkative, or absent these next few days to a week... please don't count it against me. I've had a lot going on and a lot to deal with - I just need some time for MYSELF.. And I just want people to know, that if I don't want to hang out, or talk... it's NOTHING against you... I need to get my life straightened out and put back together...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I have decided that because it is nearing the end of 2010 that I will reflect a little bit on what these past couple of years have been like. I didn’t do this last year – so I’m kind of going to include 2009 as well.
College. It didn’t seem like I’d ever get there! High school seemed to just drag on for me… It wasn’t that I didn’t like it – but living with a disease made it really hard. Some people didn’t understand and some of the students and my friends had a hard time understanding how to “cope” with someone they know having a chronic illness. Even through all my struggles though, I pushed through it thanks to some amazing teachers and my family and graduated high school – something that is a HUGE feat for any chronically ill teen. I mean heck, it’s a struggle to get through each day let alone graduate and start a new chapter in life!!!
My decision to go to Utah left a lot of people doubting me and questioning if I was doing the right thing. Some thought that I couldn’t do it, and I don’t think a lot of people believed it me. But guess what – they can have it thrown back at them – I have been doing GREAT since I’ve left home. And it is the best decision that I have ever made. I LOVE it here. The weather is perfect. It’s not humid and the temperature doesn’t change so quickly and drastically as it does in KS. This has been REALLY good for my health. My joints have been doing a lot better and I haven’t been as sick in the summer due to humidity and heat. My health has improved in that way – and I’m so grateful for that. Something that is also wonderful is that I am in a city! I’m not going to lie – I am NOT a country girl. I don’t really care for the isolation that I felt living in such a small town. And not to mention – I dislike the farming community very much. I appreciate what our farmers do (don’t get me wrong) but it is not for me!! I am so happy that I am away from harvesting and farming. I am happy that I am now building my OWN life where I want to be. There are so many opportunities out here for me. I am going into medicine and I couldn’t have picked a better school and location to succeed. I am at a top rated nursing school and I have the chance to work at a top rated hospital!! Couldn’t have picked better!
I love my school and I am so very proud to be a UTE and dress in Crimson red! My school is great. I served on the freshman council and that was one of the best decisions for my freshman year. I met some amazing people. We have great volunteering and community service opportunities here, and that’s something that I LOVE.
A lot of people thought that I was moving here solely for Spencer. I thought my decision out… a lot. I spent a lot of time thinking about where I wanted to start my life out at. Being completely honest, yes – Spencer was a huge advantage of me attending school in Utah… but if it wasn’t for Spencer and his brother showing me the U… I would have never found this school and all the things it has to offer. Not to mention… I fell in love with Salt Lake City and Utah the moment I arrived here the very first time.
I am happy here. I truly am. And I hope that now people will realize that I made a decision that was best for ME, not everyone else. I am proud of myself for actually following my gut and coming out here. It’s the one time that I didn’t listen to everyone else telling me that I was making a bad decision.
I was told before I moved, and I continually get told that, “oh those Mormons are going to ‘get’ you! They will try to convert you. They are a cult!” all I have to say is, Shame, shame, shame on you! Coming from a small down where LDS is not very well known, it is judged very, very poorly. I haven’t once been asked to attend church. I haven’t ever been asked to talk about Mormonism. I haven’t ever been insulted about my own religion. Yes, my fiancé is Mormon, but not once has he manipulated me into going to church. Not once has he asked me to talk about The Book of Mormon. I have been the one to bring everything up. I have looked into the LDS church, not because I was asked to or forced to, but because I wanted to learn more about it. I wanted to understand what they believe and how they live their life. And it honestly is not that much different from what Methodists, Lutheran’s, or just your average Christian believes. They interpret some things differently, yes, and they have temples that signify more than what we do, but we are all the same, siblings of Christ. Don’t judge a book by its cover. And PLEASE do not judge me if I chose to look into this religion more. Shame on you if you do. Open your minds a little bit.
The experience of the dorms was indeed interesting. I don’t think that life was for me. Anyone with an illness knows what I mean ;-) It’s hard living with new people who haven’t been around you your whole life, but with an illness it’s even more hard. They don’t quite understand it and it’s hard for them to grasp your needs and how you live your life. My dorm mates were great and I’m thankful that I was paired with who I was. I learned a lot from all 3 of them! Sometimes we had our different thoughts about things, but all –in-all I was pretty luck with who I was with =)
Year two of college has been a little more challenging than the first. It is easier in the sense that I now know what college is all about and I know how to study! My grades were NOT at all what I wanted them to be come the end of my first year, but I finally understand how much work goes into each class that you take. It’s stressful – but I’m coping. I moved out of the dorms and am living with my fiancé’s family. It’s interesting, to say the least! I am currently looking for an apartment with Spencer so that we can start our lives together. Chances are we won’t find anywhere until we’re married – which is good, but it will be nice to create our own rules and not have the stress of living with so many people. I LOVE his family, but anytime you are living with multiple people it makes it a bit harder to fully function.
I’m LOVING college courses. I like the freedom to take what you want. Some courses are not very fun and are pretty dull, but the majority of what I have taken have been so very interesting. Along with my goal for nursing school, I am thinking about taking up a minor while I am waiting to apply and be accepted. I have LOVED all the Social Science classes I have taken, so I’m going to talk with an advisor about the different minors within that field of study. I think it will be a nice minor to go along with my major! =)
And for the biiig event that happened this year – I got engaged! Yay! I am extremely happy about it. I really wasn’t expecting it to happen when it did, but everything worked out for the best!! =) I am so happy he proposed. We’d been talking about it a little bit beforehand. We had been dating for 2.5 years, known each other for probably about 3 years. He gave me his mom’s wedding ring from when she was married. It is perfect and just beautiful. I love the fact that it is within the family.
Even though I am VERY happy to be marrying the love of my life, my best friend, and my biggest supporter – I feel very judged. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think of me and my decisions, but I do – it is just the way I am.
Look, I know I am young. I am only 19 (almost 20) years old and I am making a HUGE leap in my life so early. But please do not judge me. There are many reasons why we have chose to get married and take this step so soon in both of our lives. When you are with a terminally ill person, It’s hard to think about the future, but a must. The average age for a person with CF is only 37. Now no one can put the time a person lives… but you have to realize that life is VERY precious and you have to live it up like each day is your last. I want every single ounce of time with Spencer as I can have. I’m not rushing things… I am not moving it along quicker because he is sick. It is very important to me to be married to him as long as possible. And it is very important to Spencer to spend all the time he has with someone he means so much to him. We were going to wait a couple years to actually tie the knot, but his father was diagnosed with Cancer and with some other happenings, we felt like it was in OUR best interest and his families to have it sooner. I told him that I wouldn’t commit to setting a date for the wedding until Spencer started working on his health.. he did and so we set the date for June 10th for the wedding! I’m SO excited! Haven’t done much planning, but we’re getting to it! Lots of details to work out since the wedding is in KANSAS and the reception is in UTAH! Haha.
So there you have it… Reflections of these past couple of years. I think that about sums it up. Of course I could write more, but I’ll keep it simple =)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
A cure was not to be,
So He put his arms around you
And whispered “Come with Me…”
Although I loved you dearly,
I could not make you stay.
Many times I've thought of you,
If love alone could save you,
you never would have died.
your tender hands at rest,
God took you home to prove to us,
He only takes the best
Friday, June 25, 2010
He was in a lot of pain. He was suffering last night. But now his lungs are full of life. He can BREATHE. That is the most relieving thought. He can breathe and go run around like any little 7 year old can. He's not in pain, he isn't struggling to stay awake. He's Conner.. just simply, Conner.
On another note... I follow the Groettum Family's blog and she has a photo challenge every Friday that I want to start doing :) Rules are that you don't edit any of your pictures and everything is like it is. You take pictures per her request and share them with fellow bloggers. I enjoy taking pics and so I think starting next Friday I'll attempt to do it! Yay!!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
2) we need to start you on antibiotics but we will try to get you out of here in 10 days
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Every single breath we take,
A gift from God, which we partake.
We live our lives without a care,
Not even thinking, we suck in air.
The air goes in, our lungs it fills
Into our red blood cells the oxygen spills.
It flows out, each part it graces
From our toes, up to our faces.
The other cells take in that gas.
From cell to cell, none will pass.
It helps them grow, it helps them fight,
It gives them power, it gives them might.
But what perchance, should the lungs fail?
Is that a cause to sprawl and wail?
There is a preciousness with each breath
For without, it’s certain death.
There are some born with a disease
Their genes are missing certain keys.
They lose their lungs but not their heart
Striving to live from the start
They seem to grow beyond their years
With their lives so full of fears
They grow and learn, among us all
The hacking cough as their call
They learn to live, tho they’ll die
To live their best they do try
Weeks in hospitals, days spent sick
Most of them as skinny as a stick.
Doing treatments, having fun
Sitting outside, time in the sun
Taking handfuls of pills every day
So to live, their bodies may
Years go on, health declines
After doing things of all kinds
Constant infections do their deed
At times, the lungs, crack and bleed.
In the lungs, scar tissue fills
Mucus clogs, together, it kills
And so the body loses life,
The spirit leaves, its earthly strife
It enters through the heavenly gate
To receive its well earned estate.
There they wait for all of us.
We needn’t make a fuss.
For we will see them once more
Sitting with God upon the floor.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Treatment or Two
Oh crap! What do I do?
I forgot to do a treatment or two.
I'm going to the doctors later today;
I wonder what they're gonna say.
I could always tell them that I'm dying,
But then they'd think my brain is frying.
OH CRAP!!! What do I do!?
I forgot to do a treatment or two.
I didn't wake up until 6:30,
I didn't shower, I'm still dirty!!
There wasn't enough time to do my vest,
The doctors just won't be happy without my best.
Oh crap........what do I do?
I forgot to do a treatment or two.
From now on no more sleeping late!
That just might change my fate.
Their gonna make such a fuss,
And bite their tongues as not to cuss.
Oh crap what do I do.........?
I forgot to do a treatment or two.....
Well, it’s more like fifteen or eight,
But who's counting, it's too late.....
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Spoke at the annual Starlight Children's Foundation Gala/fund raiser in LA
Traveled to LA, to Sand Diego, to Kansas, then back to SLC for Spring break
Got ENGAGED! <3
Finished two huge papers and got A's on them both =)
Will write more later - for now, I have to get to class!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
I'm not going to talk much about it right now - but that's probably going to be a majority of my posts over the next week-ish =) It's something that has been greatly affecting me lately, and I want to express my thoughts down on paper, or well, a keyboard haha
Since I've been in college, living in a dorm, and having a room mate, new things have come up that I never once thought about before. I mean I've heard all about it, but until now, I never had to deal with any of it... Hopefully with writing my thoughts down, I can pinpoint what I need to work on to overcome some of the struggles I've been facing.
The rooms are plenty big, it is in our price range, the area is perfect, great hospitals nearby (like we're talking about top-notch!). It's 743 square feet, and is so much bigger than we expected. There is no way we can pass this place up. The value is very much worth it.
Soooo. We are putting down a deposit on Friday!!! =D We get half off the deposit and 30 bucks off of monthly price if we secure a spot now - so we're doing it. We've thought it over, and it's worth it.
Now we won't be moving in until, most likely, September. Which seems FOREVER away. But just the thought of improving things is such a motivation! =) I know Spencer is absolutely thrilled about it. He is also pretty nervous, but I would be too in his situation. Heck I am a little nervous, anyway! He's nervous about it just for the fact that with the CF it makes things harder, paying and being responsible for everything... Ya know.. things like that. But the way things are going in his home life right now - something has to change. And this is it!!!
The only thing I'm really eh about, and kind of angry about, is the judgments I'm getting from people. You know... moving in before marriage and such. Specially in an LDS community. It's seriously looked down upon. Don't get us wrong though, if we had it our way and certain things didn't come in the way.. we WANT to wait until we are married to get a place and live together. We'd rather be looking when we're married. But there just isn't a way that is possible if we want to keep Spencer's health in good condition, and this is really going to help my health and life too. Dorm life isn't great for a Crohnie.
I just don't appreciate how people draw conclusions, judgments, and assumptions when they don't know the full situation. It REALLY bothers me. They just see it as, an unmarried couple living together. They don't see the fact that Spencer's life, basically, depends on this, and with his Cystic Fibrosis we need to make decisions based around what is best for him and our relationship. Oh well... I guess people are people, ya know. =/ Nothing's going to change. At least we know the real and full reason this is happening.
I am just so excited that I couldn't wait to write it all down. It's such a huge step!!!!! And the improvement thats going to come out of it should be GREAT. I can't wait to basically, start over and live the life both Spencer and I have been wanting... without the stress of CF, home life, dorm life, family life... you name it, it's there. His family falls perfectly into Murphy's law - What can go wrong, will go wrong.
We're going to change that ;-)