Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 12

Between staying in the hospital with Spencer, multiple ER visits, big decisions, moving, more hospital, family in Utah, and spring break in Kansas.. I've gotten very far behind on not only the 30 day challenge, but blogging in general!!!
It's been absolutely hectic - my life is never, ever boring! there is always something new and "exciting" going on in the life of Nikki!!

So here it is! Day 12 - What you believe.

The first and foremost thing that comes to my mind:
I believe in Jesus Christ. He is my rock and foundation upon everything else. He may put me in situations that I feel I cannot handle, but I know that if I keep my focus upon Him that he will provide and give me the strength to push through everything that's thrown on my plate.

I believe in Love. I am in the midst of it right now, and it's amazing. My love towards life, family, pets, adventures, food, and my fiance just grows stronger by the day. It is all a different kind of love - but I'm surrounded in it and it makes me SO happy! The best kind of love is knowing that Spencer loves me. Knowing that I can be loved among all of my mistakes and faults. My love grows stronger for him by the minute and I can't wait for 68 days to pass so that I can call him my husband :)

I'm a believer in eating right, exercising, and staying healthy. I have not at all been happy with my body, my appearance, and just how unhealthy I have become. I've been trying my best to eat right and exercise every single day. Though I have fallen off the bandwagon this spring break - I am SO excited to get back into my routine of eating healthy, keeping the junk food out of the house, and jumping on that treadmill every single day. I feel SO much better when I do these things! More energy, I'm a lot happier, I smile SO much more, and I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! So here's back to staying healthy!!! ;-)

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I know that it's so cliche to say that - but I've had so many times in my life where the only thing I wanted was a second chance to make it right or to prove myself. We all make mistakes, every single one of us. I know I try to give second chances as much as possible - it's when people blow those second chances that I'm hesitant on giving a third!

I believe so many more things, but those were the few that came to mind right off the bat. I'm excited to start this blog challenge back up!! =) And I will finish it no matter how long it takes!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I love them...,

This is just one of those pictures that I ran across from my cousins profile and really wanted to share. These are my grandparents. And there is just something about this picture that I am absolutely in love with. My grandmas smile. How close she is with my grandpa. How much she loves him. My grandma is an amazing person. I would fight with you for years telling you that she is the best grandmother that one could have. She's been there for me almost as much as my mom has - and thats a lot!!! As far as I know, EVERYONE comes before herself. Now I see where I get it... it goes back generations!

I have so many memories with my grandma. Going to her house for lunch, because she made the BEST potato boats; making Christmas candy with her; "quilting" with her and her trying to teach me how to sew; playing in her basement with my cousins; Cooking with her; spending the night at her house; waking up in the morning at her house to eggs, toast, and bacon; watching the TV and grandpa getting upset; hanging out there just because I liked spending time with her. I miss those days. I really do.

I love that my grandpa has a slight smile on his face. He's so frail. You don't see him smile like you used to. But yet in this picture he smiles even though he's sick. He is so confused and just falling apart on the inside but in this picture you can't even tell. So many memories with him as well.

Grandpa giving us the "stink eye" until it 'hurt'; taking Chance and I to the army tank and even letting us inside, teaching us about it; showing us pictures; all of his books; him getting angry because we had the TV up too loud; him asking us if we were sure we were full; doing the BEST 'magic tricks' for us, such as pulling out coins from behind our ears; playing with his dominoes and cards; going golfing with him even though I was terrible and never learned; riding the golf cart with him in the summer..... I miss this as well. So much. So, so much.

Grandpa hasn't been doing well lately - and it's been really hard on my family and especially my grandma. I physically saw the other day how it was emotionally tearing her apart and it broke my heart. She loves him. Their love is real and I so badly want to grow old and share the same kind of love that they do. It's heartbreaking to see her have to go through this. You see, my grandpa has worsening (isn't it always?) dementia, he's retaining a lot of fluids, and he has heart problems. His oxygen needs are increasing and his day to day life, well it isn't even life at all =(. He's been in the hospital for so long - some days are better than others. It is time that my family starts thinking about long term home health care or a nursing home. I never realized how much it tears the family up thinking about a nursing home until now. Until I'm actually seeing it with my own family. It makes me think about nursing homes SO much different now....

I don't think my grandpa has too much longer - but he has surprised us before... I just hate the thought of death. I don't handle it well. I mean, does anyone? I'm not afraid of death itself, but losing the ones I love. I can't even bare the thought. I haven't lost very many people who I've been close to (thank goodness) but when we lost my uncle to cancer - I was pretty upset about it... and so I don't know how I am going to take the death of an even closer family member.

I know I should go and see my grandpa because there really is no telling how much longer he will be here.... but I'm uneasy about it. Why? I'm honestly not quite sure. I guess I just want to see him healthy - not sick and possibly even really confused. I don't know how my grandma does it. I'm not ready for all of this - but it has to come someday. I just hope I get to see him again...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis!!

Every year it is my goal to raise money for at least one cause. Last year I succeeded in raising money for both Cancer (Rock the U) and IBD (Take Steps). Spencer and I were registered to raise money for Cystic Fibrosis (Great Strides) but with the other fundraising that I was doing - Great strides fell short.

So this year Spencer and I are focusing on fundraising for Cystic Fibrosis only!!!! We will be walking in the Great Strides walk on May 21st here in Salt Lake City and it's about time that we get on the ball of raising some money to help find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis!!!!

(taken from www.cff.org)

GREAT STRIDES is the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's largest and most successful national fundraising event. This year, I'm walking in the GREAT STRIDES walk at the 2011 Salt Lake City - The Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main St., Salt Lake City, UT walk on 05/21/2011. Please help me meet my fundraising goal of $150.00 by sponsoring me. Your generous gift will be used efficiently and effectively, as nearly 90 cents of every dollar of revenue raised is available for investment in vital CF programs to support research, care and education.

Making a donation is easy and secure! Just click the "Click to Donate" button on this page to go to make a donation that will be credited to my team. Any amount you can donate is greatly appreciated!

Cystic fibrosis (CF) is a devastating genetic disease that affects tens of thousands of children and young adults in the United States. Research and care supported by the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is making a huge difference in extending the quality of life for those with CF. However, we continue to lose precious lives to CF every day. That's why your help is needed now more than ever to ensure that a cure is found sooner - rather than later. To learn more about CF and the CF Foundation, visit www.cff.org.

Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those with CF! Thank you for supporting the mission of the CF Foundation and GREAT STRIDES!

I am asking all of my friends and family to please go to http://www.cff.org/great_strides/NikkiJohnson7105! Once you are there please "Click to donate" at the top of the screen and if you are going to be in the Salt Lake area on May 21st - join our team!!!!

Remember that ANY amount that you're able to donate - may it only be $1 or $100 - it makes a difference.

If you could take 5 minutes out of your day to do this - I'd greatly appreciate it!!!! THANKS!

-Nikki

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

And it feels so good!

I speed walked today for 20 minutes going .85 miles - and it felt awesome! I really think that i'll be able to jump on the exercise bandwagon now that I'm starting to form a routine.

This dang time change is messin' with me though!!!! It's been really hard to fit everything in during the day. I get up in the morning, make breakfast and just spend some me-time, and then go to classes... I get home, talk with Spencer and relax for a little while... Then I unpack and put away a few things... and then before I know it the time has slipped away and it's already 6:00!!!! Its super bright outside so it still seems way early to me! So I have to hurry and think about dinner, while trying to exercise and do homework. Hopefully I adjust QUICKLY!!

But today I told myself that no matter what I was going to exercise for at least 20 minutes, no matter how late it was, no matter what all I had to do! So at 6:30 I hopped on the treadmill and just went at it. It went well! I can tell I'm fairly out of shape - but I was proud of what I did. And usually when I am in the middle of doing a workout I want to stop so badly because i tend to think to myself that "it's not worth it!". But this time I didn't think that ONCE! I just kept thinking that I owe it to myself to be in shape and be healthy - and just be happy about my body. So I think I'm started off on the right track. I believe it's all mind set and I hope that my mind set will carry me through the first few weeks as I get back into shape!!!

After exercising I just felt super good about myself. I could feel the slight burn in my calves and I felt a little winded after cooling down - as much as that feeling sucks when you're only half way through; once you finish the work out it feels pretty dang good!!!! I miss that sore feeling of knowing that you're getting back into shape... so i'm ready to feel the burn!!!! Not only did i feel good about myself, but I was just in a better mood! there was some miscommunication with some of Spencer's meds and I was trying to get over being upset about it - but it wasn't working. After I got done walking I felt like it was no big deal, I was smiling, and was super happy. It's amazing what some good exercise can do for you :)

Tomorrow I'm going for the same time and distance - I don't want to wear myself out and get to the point where I'm way too tired and thinking that it's not worth it - because it IS!!!!

-Nikki

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 11

I'm so far behind with this! Oh well - it's been crazy and I can start doing a couple posts a day to get caught up!!!!
Day 11 - Favorite TV Shows
I LOVE House. It is my all time favorite show. i don't watch it very often any more, but when Spencer is in the hospital or it's a rainy day to stay indoors, I watch a bunch of episodes online, or catch older ones on the TV if their on. House marathons are the BEST!!! =)
Spencer and i have really gotten into this show. We enjoy watching it every week as we eat, do dishes or something. I think it's awesome how the bosses want to make a difference!
And yet another feel good movie that Spence and I really like. We saw the very first episode and both got teared up over it! I love feel good shows!!!

There are some other shows that we like to watch. HGTV is often on our TV! We like seeing the homes and dreaming about the home we'd like to have. We also like Extreme Make-over Home edition... and others!!! =)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Day 10: Something you're afraid of...... these are the things that I'm scared of:
Spiders and Heights
Why have a picture of these if they scare me? haha But really - I hate spiders. I can't stand the sight or thought of them. It's really sad actually. The other day Spencer showed me a picture of a huge spiders nest in between two cars, I started crying =/ Yikes. And I've always been afraid of heights. I think it started when I was at church camp for the first time.... Rap and Rhythm II. We went hiking to the cross and on the way down I slipped and it scared the bageeebers out of me, every since then I hate going to high spaces. Really freaks me out.

I am behind in the challenge!!!! Why, you may ask? Because Spencer and I have officially MOVED! We are finally into a place of our own and it feels GREAT. We've had a very fantastic weekend. It's been busy, stressful, and exhausting, but it's been great. =) It's exciting to start a life ALL our own. I hope to post pics soon. I took some pics from my camera but I currently don't have a adapter to my computer for it. It's a super cute place. Basement apartment, but it doesn't look like it's in the basement at all. We have PLENTY of light that comes through which is great! I hope Spencer is enjoying it as much as I am. We are getting ready to go shopping for food and some essentials today - really looking forward to it!!!!

We can't wait to invite people over for dinner, games, movies, and visiting!!!!! But first the house needs to be unpacked and put away. And then my momma and sister are coming to visit on the 17th! We're going to do a bunch of wedding things while she is here, including getting my DRESS!! I'm excited that mom and sister will get to see our new place! Then I will get to go home for a week for break and spend time with my family.. and do even more wedding planning. O.o I am leaving Spence back here in Utah this time... I hope he'll be okay! haha Mom and I are going to cook several meals for him to freeze so that he'll have plenty of foods. =)

Gosh it's been such a great weekend! There's so much to tell and so much to catch up on since I've been disconnected from the world for a couple days (lost my phone and no internet until this morning!!) I'll do another post for the challenge tonight and then two tomorrow so that I can get all caught up!!!

-nikki

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Day 9 - and more

Day 9 - A picture of your friends.... Oh come on! One picture, I have lots of friends! I do have more friends than this - but sadly I don't have pictures of a few of them =( But here are some of my friends!!!! :)
Me and Amanda! She's my cousins girlfriend and we have some good times! Favorite thing to do - take crazy pics at family gatherings!!!! Best ever!
Emily! Met her online due to both having yucky chronic illnesses. She's been my best friend through and through. I've really enjoyed spending time with her! Too bad distance has to separate us!!!! Love you Em!!!
Syd and Jay are my bestest friends from HS. Sydney and I were always good friends, but we really connected our senior year of high school. It's hard to keep in touch with our crazy schedules - but we always manage to send eachother quick messages, and that is good enough =) Jay's been my best friend since freshman year! Again, super hard to keep in touch, and i feel guilty that we haven't talked in a long time! I miss these guys... they are a couple of the best people =)


So good to have friends =)
So onto the second part of my post... Spencer and I had an amazing day together - so much fun! What was meant to be a quick trip to DI to get a couple shirts turned out to be an all day outing and pretty spontaneous... just how I like it! We left DI in Centerville and really wanted to do something else, so with intentions to go to Layton's DI, even though we had no idea where it was. We just took off driving and decided to go whereever the road led us! We finally got to Layton from an off road, couldn't find DI and saw a Savers instead - we thought that would suffice! While trying to find the road to get to Savers, we actually ended up around the back of DI, where we wanted to go in the first place! Haha PERFECT! We then saw a Chinese buffet and decided to grab a bite to eat there.
Had some good conversations and a fun time just looking around at all of the stuff at DI. I love Spending time with Spence - it always gets better and better =)
I can't wait until his health is up and we can do even more together! That will come with time!

Busy day tomorrow!!!!!! Better get some shut eye. We're hoping to be able to move into the apartment Saturday morning.. -fingers crossed- :)

-Nikki

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day 8 / progress!

Day 8 - A place that you've traveled to....

One of the first places that came to my mind was CALIFORNIA! I went to San Diego to visit my best friend, Emily for a week... and then I went to LA for my senior trip.... and then LA for a video shoot.... and then LA, yet again, for the Gala. I chose this picture because almost every time I was in California I either visited Starlight headquarters... or I went there specifically because of Starlight/Starbright World. They deserve the recognition!!! They have done some pretty amazing things for me. Some of my best memories are from Starlight and all the AMAZING opportunities I've had with them :)

On another note - We are making progress in the apartment!!! =D Spence and i are SO excited to be able to live there. It's a great neighborhood and we are going to finally have a place to call HOME. We completely cleaned out 3 rooms today and most of the kitchen. Only a couple more to go!!!!! Hopefully we can start moving things in by Friday late afternoon-ish or Saturday morning. Fantastic! I'd love to be able to move in by Friday evening. All we HAVE to have is our bed and we'll be okay for awhile ;-)

One of the things I'm really looking forward to doing is to go shopping with Spence for food and a few things that we need for the apartment. :) This is going to be great. Perfect. And just what we need!!!! :) :)

-Nikki

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Day 7

Day 7 - Favorite Movies -- It had a plural there! YAY for not having to be picky with my choices!!! :)

Avatar... I've watched this one 3 or 4 times and i haven't gotten tired of it yet!!!! The graphics are AMAZING and I really like the story line!

I read PS I love You and loved it, and I thought the movie was JUST as good. Every single time i watch it I cry.

I love this movie! I'm really into music and this was just perfect =)

Toy Story 1 has always been my all time favorite, but 2 and 3 were GREAT sequels!!
Best. Movie. EVER. I didn't think i'd like this movie but I watched it with Spencer and fell in LOVE with it.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Day 6 / Packed!!

Day 6 - Something that makes you happy: (I can't pick just one... and there are MANY more things than just these... but these are some of the first pictures that I ran across that made me smile and feel happy!!!!)
I feel super happy about the family that I am going to marry into in just 3 short months! We may all have very different personalities and opinions, but they are so, so much fun to be around and I love them all!!!!
My kitty and puppers make me happy! I always get super happy when I get home and my kitty greets me at the door meowing for attention. I'm going to miss her SO much when she's living with my family in Kansas!!! I also love our little rat dog! He may growl at me and bark, but he makes me smile a lot!!! =)
Definitely not last, and not the end of things that make me happy. But this guy makes me EXTREMELY happy! Love of my life, and best friend. I always look forward to coming home and him being there to greet me with a hug =) I can't wait to start the rest of my life with him!!!

Yay for things to be happy about!!!!!

So for the next part of my post - We're 95% packed and upstairs to get ready to MOVE!!! Started at 8:00 and finished around 11. Not too bad. Thanks George and Arielle - you made things SO much easier!!!! We're planning on trying to get most of the apartment cleaned on Wednesday. Hopefully we can get moved in by Friday or Saturday. O.o The sooner the better.
We think we've linked Spencer's headaches to the mold as well. He hasn't gotten a headache at the hospital or when we're out of the house - but about an hour after being in here he gets super bad migraines - the mold could be the reason why. Bummer =/
I hope that we're able to come over to this house for games and visiting!!!! Maybe once it's cleaned up better we'll be able to spend time here.

It's really exciting that we're getting even closer to moving out :) Next part of our lives - here we COME!!!!!

-Nikki

Day 5


I missed yesterday, so I'll do a post now, and then one before I go to bed =)

Day 5 - Your siblings



So I have one sister... Her name is Shayna, and she's 5 years younger than me.
This sister who I speak of... is pretty much....

Amazing.....

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Questionaire to cure the boredom.

Watching Spencer sleep was getting a little boring, so I found this on one of my friends blogs and thought I'd steal it to take up some time!!!


If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? Well first of all, I wouldn't cheat on Spencer; so there isn't an "if I cheat" in the equation here.


The last time you felt honestly broken? Broken.. Kind of a term that encompasses a lot of things, don't you think? Broken heart? Like 5 years ago? Broken, as in fed up with life and don't know what to do anymore.... probably a few days ago..


Are you craving something? I am craving to move out and get the rest of my life started with Spencer. Seriously! It's all we can talk about!!!! =)


If you could have one thing right now what would it be? My comfy bed! I don't think I'm going to spend the night here at the hospital, but usually I say that and end up doing it anyway to save money on gas! Ha!


Would you rather have ten kids, or none? Yikes. 10 kids is A LOT.. so honestly? I would probably have none :(


What do you hear right now? the whooooosh of the heater/fan thing.


Is your bed against more than one of your walls? Nope.


What's on your mind right now? The headache that I'm starting to get.. mostly likely tension from all of the stress - but unfortunately they usually turn into migraines anyway.


Are you there for your friends? I sure hope I am. I want to be, I really try to be. Lately it's been really hard with all of Spencer's health concerns and trying to focus on school, and make sure I'm doing okay myself. I haven't felt like a good friend at all this last month. Sorry friends... I'll try harder.


Last person to see you cry? Spencer.


What do you do when you get nervous? It kind of depends. I usually will play with my hands and look at the ground. Bite my nails sometimes.


Be honest, do you like people in general? Yeah! I love being around people! :)


How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? I'm going to take a wild guess and say 24 or 25. We'll see.


Does anyone completely understand you? Uhmmm.. I don't think anyone can COMPLETELY understand you because only YOU know what you think, feel, act... etc But there are a couple people who really do get it. :)


Do you have a reason to smile right now? Yeah, I'd say there are a few reasons I could smile!!!!!


Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? Oh yeah.


Would you be happier if life had a rewind button? Yes and No. Let me explain. As hard and crappy as some things might be, I'm thankful for everything that has happened. I learn from things and I become stronger from everything. With everything that happens I shape myself that much more. The reason I also say yes is because when you are going through those hard things it would seem, at the time, SO MUCH EASIER to go back and change one thing to make it go your way.. Hines sight!!!!


Do you tell your mom or dad everything? My momma! I tell her everything - nothing to hide!


Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? Ooooh ya! That would be the FASTEST deal breaker for me.


Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone? How would I know this, exactly? ;-) lol I sure hope not!!!!!!


This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Yes I do!!! I was completely in love with Spencer!!!!


Do you think more about the past, present, or future? Past and future a lot more than present. Though there are times that that changes.


How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I really do try to get at least 8. If it's a school week - then 6-8 hours.. weekend then 8-10 hours.

Are you easy to get along with? I hope so! If not I would really like to be told this!


Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No! I love my sister! :)


What was the last drink that you put in your mouth? Mango Madness Snapple!! MmmmMmmm


What size of bed do you have? Queen


Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before.. gotta warm it up!!!!


Do you like the rain? Yes! I LOVE the rain!


Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I think so =) It'd be nice!


Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Oh of COURSE I have. All the stinking time.


Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither? Neither. I think? Correct me if I'm wrong!


What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who? Dispicable Me and Spencer. i think.


Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Yup.....


Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party? No. No massive parties for me


Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party? Concert for sure


Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? Nope!!! haha Every guy I have dated has been very different


Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry? Not to my knowledge


Do you care too much about your appearance? Yes, probably


Are you a jealous person? Kind of, but not too bad


Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Nope I'm very broke right now. I would like to go on a big shopping spree though.. I really need new clothes =(


Do you miss anyone? Yessss


Last person who made you cry? Spencer. I mean he didn't make me of course... but it was him who I was crying over because I was worried.


What are you doing tomorrow? Taking Spencer home from the hospital and trying to get everything together and as much things packed up as possible.


Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week? No no no no no.


Is there anyone you want to come see you? Yes. My family!


Ever given your all to someone who walked away? Yup. I've had a few friends like that.


Do you like cotton candy? Kind of. I have to be in the right kind of mood for it


Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? Just a little while ago.


Do you have siblings? My sister!


Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Yup =) The best moments!


How has the past week been for you? STRESSFUL and overwhelming. It's been really hard.


Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes i sure do!


What were you doing at midnight last night? laying in bed watching TV, trying to relax to sleep.


What is your current mood? Good. I'm pretty tired tho.


Who was the first person you talked to today? Spence


Will this week be a good one? Yes, it will! Spencer will be home, we'll be working on cleaning the apartment... He'll feel well (knock on wood) it WILL be good!


Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? Yesssss! MOVING OUT! I'm so EXCITED!


Who were you with last night? Spencer until about 9:00, then myself.


Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Nope. I was all my myself.


Next time you will kiss someone? Before I go to sleep.


Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy? Either :)


Do you have any plans for the weekend? This weekend is really over... so yes, next weekend I do have plans :)

Day 4 - Embolization


I'm just rocking these daily posts and turning them into dual posts! W00t! So here we go again!!!

Day 4 - Your parents

This is one of my favorite pics of my parents because it describes us well, I think. So let me tell you a little about them.
As you can see in the picture, they are much shorter than I am - I love it! They are so cute! haha. they've been with me through EVERYTHING and I am so very thankful that I grew up in the family that I did. They made everything a lot better. They went to work every day and they did everything they possibly could to make sure we had what we needed. Putting themselves last. My sister and I ALWAYS came first. Mom still works her butt off to this day to support her family. She's an incredibly strong woman and should receive an award for everything that she does. My dad stays home and tends the house and dogs and helps mom around the house. He's a great go-to parent for advice on say like, cars, electrical stuff... :) He's not as close as my mom and I are, but he is ALWAYS there for me. he knows when I need the extra help and support and he really steps up to his role as my dad when I need it.

My parents mean the WORLD to me. I love you guys!!!

Part TWO of my blog... Spencer's embolization. They were finally able to get it done this morning and his doctor said it went really well. They knew how to approach it this time and so it didn't take too long. Things are looking good!!!

He has to lay still and on his back for at least 6 straight hours so he's pretty uncomfortable. They want to make sure the artery stay clotted off and then he'll be allowed to sit up and take it easy. He absent mindedly scratched at the sit where they had the cath in the artery and pulled off the tape/bandaid and a scab/clot that was forming and it started squirting out blood =/ (PAUSE)

Thankfully I was there because the stupid nurse didn't leave his call light handy and didn't plug is bed back in when he got back from the procedure. The bleeding stopped pretty quick but it scared Spencer, we had to swing open his door and yell for help because she wasn't coming right away. We're writing a complaint about her - she was terrible. Not only did she not bother to leave a call light, but when she got in she was like.. blaming him for everything. She was treating him like a little baby and it drove me CRAZY. She got after him for not immediately hitting the call light... well for the first time in forever I actually spoke up and told her "You know, we WOULD have hit the call light right away, but the bed wasn't working, and we couldn't find the button because you didn't leave it within reach, so I'm glad I was here." She didn't have much to say about that one.... She opened all the blinds so that they could see him from the nurses station and opened the door wide open BEFORE she started cleaning his rather private area up... Everything WIDE OPEN while he was completely exposed. EXCUSE ME?! he has a RIGHT to privacy! I started to close the door and then she stopped. I really wish I would have spoken up.... we're going to write a complaint about her. She was really rude and just an unhappy lady...

Okay (PLAY) ;-) So right now Spencer is back on his normal unit (AIM B) and he's sleeping. He got a Loratab for his groin and lower back so he'll just be able to sleep off the pain until 8:00 tonight when he is able to sit up and get some relief.

His doc is discontinuing treatments (just albuterol) for the rest of today to let the embolization hold. They will try VEST, Tobi and albuterol tomorrow morning; if that goes okay for the first couple of treatments he will probably be discharged. They might wait until Monday though to make sure that doing the VEST will be okay. YAY so we're outta here tomorrwo or Monday - for a LONG time ;-) He'll not take hypertonic or pulmozyme for awhile... so that will cut treatments a little shorter for this week... makes me happy =) But when he can get back with full treatments we're going to have to work really hard to get that junk out to avoid infection!

As for me... I'm doing well - things are going okay now, and so I feel a ton of bricks off of my shoulders. Spencer and i are more excited than ever to be moving out!!!! We can't wait until the apartment is cleaned - we're helping with that process and so we're going to go as quickly as we can!

I want to thank Sally Rollins and Spencer's brother, George and mom for being with Spencer this morning. It was a blessing that I was able to sleep in and not have to worry about coming up to the hospital bright and early in the morning after only getting 2-3 hours of sleep the night before. Thank you guys SO much for stepping up and letting me have a break with all of this for awhile. Hopefully I can count on you more later down the line :)

I'll call it quits for now.... Probably write more later as I have a TON of things on my mind. Pictures of the new place will be up in about a week! BE EXCITED! ;-)

-Nikki

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day Three/ Exhausted

Dual post again!!!!

Day 3-Your first love
So I don't exactly think I need to post a picture of him :-P But my very first love was Shawn. I was in high school and we were together for about a year. It was fun, and I really did enjoy it. He's a great person and his girlfriend is luck to have him. I learned a lot from that relationship and after it ended I really think I did a lot of self discovery and became a better person. Yes, I do say that I loved him, even thought I was very young... but it was a different kind of love than I feel with Spencer :) (of course)...

Now on to the rest of my posting. It's going to be brief. I've had a very long day and I need to try to relax to get some shut eye before the morning.
Spence was discharged yesterday.. YAY! But I had to take him to the ER this morning at 3:30 AM =( BOO!!!!
He's been sleeping upstairs because of a mold problem and so he called me at 3:00 AM and this is how it went:
Spencer: Nikki get upstairs now
Nikki: Why?
Spencer: Just come up
Nikki: Are you okay?!
Spencer: Get up here!
And so I hurried upstairs and flipped on the light to find the poor guy coughing up large amounts of blood =( He coughed up half a cup. we were about to call 911 but it started to slow down a lot and so we just called the hospital instead and they told him to get there asap. So we sped off to the ER. Lovely.

Briefly, here is what happened once we got there.

4:00 AM - arrived, vitals, explanation of events, meds....

Between 4-11 AM: Doctors, doctors, sitting around, chest xray, chest CT, doctors

11:30 - 3:30 AM/PM: Moved to observation... We were told that they were just going to watch him, they didn't want to embolize yet. We waited for his CF doctor to talk to him. Slept as much as we could. especially since I only got 2-3 hours of sleep.

3:30 PM: CF doctor came into observation and talked with us about everything that had happened. She was concerned. She told us that the chest xray was unchanged, but the chest CT showed some enlarged vessels in his right middle or lower lung. It also showed that a very small portion of his right upper or middle lung was collapsed but that was nothing to be concerned about. He was having some right lung pain, and so they are pretty sure thats where the bleeding was coming from. He was still coughing up some blood, but it was slowly and throughout the day. His CF doc decided to talk with IR to see if they wanted to embolize him then, or wait.

4:30 PM: IR (interventional radiologist) wanted to go ahead and do the embolization to find the source of the bleeding and get it clotted off.

4:30 - 7:00 PM: Waited forever to hear how it went. Found out that they couldn't finish the procedure. =( The vessels in his lungs are very very curly and curvy and with that and the combination of his heart beating and moving it all around, he couldn't get the catheter to the actual place of bleeding. He was in there for a long enough time that they decided to call it quits for today. They left the Femoral Artery line in there so that they can try again tomorrow.

7:30- 8:00 PM: Moved to MICU since he as an arterial line. Found out they are trying the embolization again tomorrow at 8:30 AM. I really hope it works this time =(

So right now, I am home... waiting to jump in the bath so that I can relax. I am so so very emotionally, mentally, and physically spent. I can't function and I can't relax. We've been in the hospital all (minus like 4 days) of February. I have been by his side through all of this and it's really taking it's tole.

Please pray that this embolization goes very well tomorrow and that he can get on the road to recovery VERY soon. The sooner he can start back up his treatments the better. I'm sure he'll be in the hospital for the rest of the weekend and beginning of next week - but of COURSE I would be MORE THAN THRILLED if he can get out of there sooner.

Also, please pray for myself. I'm REALLY struggling with all of this right now. I'm having a hard time balancing everything and I need the support now more than ever. So please keep myself in your thoughts as well as Spencer. It's hard going through all of this.... kind of alone.

I'll write more later. SO SO much on my mind, but I really need to get some rest since I'm going to be up at the hospital hopefully around 8-8:15.. -sigh-

-Nikki