Day Three/ Exhausted

Dual post again!!!!

Day 3-Your first love
So I don't exactly think I need to post a picture of him :-P But my very first love was Shawn. I was in high school and we were together for about a year. It was fun, and I really did enjoy it. He's a great person and his girlfriend is luck to have him. I learned a lot from that relationship and after it ended I really think I did a lot of self discovery and became a better person. Yes, I do say that I loved him, even thought I was very young... but it was a different kind of love than I feel with Spencer :) (of course)...

Now on to the rest of my posting. It's going to be brief. I've had a very long day and I need to try to relax to get some shut eye before the morning.
Spence was discharged yesterday.. YAY! But I had to take him to the ER this morning at 3:30 AM =( BOO!!!!
He's been sleeping upstairs because of a mold problem and so he called me at 3:00 AM and this is how it went:
Spencer: Nikki get upstairs now
Nikki: Why?
Spencer: Just come up
Nikki: Are you okay?!
Spencer: Get up here!
And so I hurried upstairs and flipped on the light to find the poor guy coughing up large amounts of blood =( He coughed up half a cup. we were about to call 911 but it started to slow down a lot and so we just called the hospital instead and they told him to get there asap. So we sped off to the ER. Lovely.

Briefly, here is what happened once we got there.

4:00 AM - arrived, vitals, explanation of events, meds....

Between 4-11 AM: Doctors, doctors, sitting around, chest xray, chest CT, doctors

11:30 - 3:30 AM/PM: Moved to observation... We were told that they were just going to watch him, they didn't want to embolize yet. We waited for his CF doctor to talk to him. Slept as much as we could. especially since I only got 2-3 hours of sleep.

3:30 PM: CF doctor came into observation and talked with us about everything that had happened. She was concerned. She told us that the chest xray was unchanged, but the chest CT showed some enlarged vessels in his right middle or lower lung. It also showed that a very small portion of his right upper or middle lung was collapsed but that was nothing to be concerned about. He was having some right lung pain, and so they are pretty sure thats where the bleeding was coming from. He was still coughing up some blood, but it was slowly and throughout the day. His CF doc decided to talk with IR to see if they wanted to embolize him then, or wait.

4:30 PM: IR (interventional radiologist) wanted to go ahead and do the embolization to find the source of the bleeding and get it clotted off.

4:30 - 7:00 PM: Waited forever to hear how it went. Found out that they couldn't finish the procedure. =( The vessels in his lungs are very very curly and curvy and with that and the combination of his heart beating and moving it all around, he couldn't get the catheter to the actual place of bleeding. He was in there for a long enough time that they decided to call it quits for today. They left the Femoral Artery line in there so that they can try again tomorrow.

7:30- 8:00 PM: Moved to MICU since he as an arterial line. Found out they are trying the embolization again tomorrow at 8:30 AM. I really hope it works this time =(

So right now, I am home... waiting to jump in the bath so that I can relax. I am so so very emotionally, mentally, and physically spent. I can't function and I can't relax. We've been in the hospital all (minus like 4 days) of February. I have been by his side through all of this and it's really taking it's tole.

Please pray that this embolization goes very well tomorrow and that he can get on the road to recovery VERY soon. The sooner he can start back up his treatments the better. I'm sure he'll be in the hospital for the rest of the weekend and beginning of next week - but of COURSE I would be MORE THAN THRILLED if he can get out of there sooner.

Also, please pray for myself. I'm REALLY struggling with all of this right now. I'm having a hard time balancing everything and I need the support now more than ever. So please keep myself in your thoughts as well as Spencer. It's hard going through all of this.... kind of alone.

I'll write more later. SO SO much on my mind, but I really need to get some rest since I'm going to be up at the hospital hopefully around 8-8:15.. -sigh-

-Nikki