There are nights where I kind of sit in disbelief knowing that it's been 3 years since I last saw your smile, held your hand, kissed your lips, gazed into your big bright eyes. Three years. Some days I truly can't believe it's been so long, and other days it feels like it's been such a short period of time. Weird how time can play tricks on a person like that. Making it seem like both forever and just yesterday with each passing tick of the clock.
Each year, month and week it gets better. Slowly but surely this has gotten easier. The beginning of year 2 was brutal. Much worse than the first year, but as it has come to an end I feel at peace. The difference between the start and end of this year is literally like night and day. I don't know that there was a specific turning point, I don't know that I necessarily made any major discovery or anything like that... but as year two without you slowly (and quickly) turns into year three I find myself in the best place I feel like I can be. I am filled with love, passion, and joy again. I am so overwhelmingly happy.
Two days before you died I lay beside you in your hospital bed, hands entwined, tears in
Spencer I just hope that in my jumbled little world, with all of the crazy twists and turns that it has taken these last three years... well I just hope that somehow I have managed to make you proud of me. I'm sure there are decisions I've made that have you shaking your head at me. I know that I've done things that have no doubt been a let down. But with that aside and in the overall picture, I hope that whatever you are you're looking at me with a smile, with love, with joy, and are proud of who I've become and the future that I have set for myself.
I miss you and your quirks and I'll keep you in my heart forever. I love you, Pea. I love you so much.