How can a little guy so helpless be cursed with this disease with no chance of living a full life.. I'm sad. My heartbreaks. My anger shows. My frustration breaks loose... =/ I so badly just want him to be able to live to see his next birthday... to spend more time with his family. But I know he's in severe pain and he desperately needs to escape it. My prayers are with him to be pain free and to not be scared. And my prayers are with his mom, dad, brothers. Just so they can get through this rough time with their first born son.
Along with this.. my heart breaks for other reasons.... It makes me realize how brutal CF is and can be. It doesn't matter who you are, how special you are.... it takes you and it's just not fair. What is happening to Conner right now, is going to happen to my best friends some day.. And I know it's going to happen to my best friend and my love, Spencer one day too. and it's hard to grasp. I know we don't have to worry about that moment for years (at least I pray) and that we can enjoy the life we have right now. But to think that he is going to be in that position one day killlls me. I am going to have to go through the loss of my husband and that is a hard concept to understand. I try not to think about it - and I'm trying to divert my thoughts elsewhere right now... But seeing little Conner and his family and how they are struggling to get through the day - it makes me wonder what it's going to be like when we get to that point.... yeaars from now.
But for now.. we fight and we fight and we fight some more. And we love and we conquer and we live. We live our life. Live and breath to the best of our ability in the present. We can't live in the past or the future. We have to live in the present and enjoy our current life.
Live and breathe....
and love, love, love
<3>
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