Insurance

I have a few thoughts on my mind that just won't go away - and so I've made the decision to write. Mainly what has been bothering me is issues dealing with insurance... After I'm done with that we'll see what else I have to say.

First off, insurance. I have not had "real" insurance ever since I turned 19, I believe. I was put on the University of Utah student health plan when I started college. So I had insurance, but definitely not at the magnitude that I needed it.
I have Crohn's disease and I am supposed to get an annual colonoscopy to check the general health of my colon, if I have polyps, if there might be cancer, if I have inflammation or ulcerations, and to remove polyps that might be there. This is really important because if something goes untreated it could get serious, very fast. But in order to have a scope, what do I need? You guessed it, insurance. I had a scope a couple of summers ago and student health insurance backed out at the last minute for paying for it so alas I was stuck with the entire bill which is now in collections because I can't even begin to pay it. Also - along with my Crohn's disease - I am supposed to be on medications. If I'm sick of course I need to be on meds, but if I'm in remission, it's equally important to be on a maintenance therapy - in my case probably back on Humira or on a "new" biologic called Cimzia. Well one injection costs thousands of dollars and you have to take them every 2-4 weeks. I cannot afford to be on medication but I can't afford NOT to be on medication. I haven't been on IBD meds for about 3 years now and it makes me nervous that I'm going to get really sick. But

I

can't

afford

it.

I can't even afford to go to the doctor =/ I just don't have that kind of money. It's really not a good or favorable combination. I've just been trying to do the absolute best that I can with my diet and trying to keep my stress as little as I can - though that's been hard lately.

And this brings me back to the issue with insurance. I can't get private insurance because I have a lovely thing called a preexisting condition. Most insurance companies won't accept me. And if they do - they raise the premium up a couple hundred dollars. I simple CANNOT pay 500 to 700 dollars for insurance. I don't even make that month a month and when I'm working full time, I'll barely be getting by with rent, food, utilities, gas, and other absolute expenses. So private insurance is out. Sure maybe some day I can get insurance through my job - but the problem with that is it's usually still very expensive, especially on the income that I would make. Plus I will not be working for any company any time soon that is going to offer me insurance. Not to mention in most cases you have to be working full time - when I get back into school, I cannot work full time. Yes I do realize that not all places require you to work full time for insurance benefits, but my point is that I'm pretty sure my premium is going to be more expensive than what I could ever afford. So I'm just kind of screwed.

Now right now, sure I might be able to get on medicaid. But what happens when I start working full time to pay off my debt in order to go back to school? Exactly. I will then suddenly make too much in order to qualify for Medicaid. So what does that leave me with - a whole lot of NOTHING. And that just sucks. And not to mention it is simply not at all fair. I want to contribute to society.... I want to have a job, to work, to even pay taxes (just because that's all a "privilege" of working) yet if I DO contribute to society - I can't get the personal help that I desperately need, ie. insurance. But I don't contribute to society I can easily get Medicaid and have other people pay for me to live. Though I won't be able to survive on my own due to rent, food, bills etc.

Absolutely ridiculous.

So of course I can get insurance from my parents until I am 26. That would give me 5 years to figure out my life, finish college, and get a job. Plenty of time. But my mom can't even get insurance!!!!!! My dad is on disability and medicaid because he can't work. My sister is on medicaid because she's a kid. But my mom. Well my mom works her butt off 5 days a week (and sometimes 7 days a week!!) yet in order to insure JUST her it would cost her over $300 per paycheck (total of $600 a month for JUST HER!!!!?) and she doesn't make much more than that per paycheck... only $600. That'd give us 300 bucks for food, gas, and bills every 2 weeks. Not going to cut it.

Oh but wait - to insure the entire family.... it would cost her a little over $500 per paycheck(over a thousand a month to insure everyone). That would leave us only $100 for two weeks. No. Not even possible. Gas alone to get her to work costs 3/4 of that.

So not only can I not get on my moms insurance.... my mother cannot even get her own insurance. Oh and she can't qualify for medicare because she makes too much!!!!! to get annual checkups... to get screenings for things that she might need. I can't even comprehend how that is fair?! IT'S NOT!

I also want to throw out there that I have realized that I am suppressing a lot of my feelings with Spencer's death. I have come to the conclusion that I really would benefit from seeing a grief counselor. well never mind the fact that specific grief counselors don't exist around Bird City, KS, or even a couple of hours away from Bird City, Kansas... but If I want to see a regular counselor that somewhat handles grief... I have to pay a minimum of $70 PER SESSION... -sigh- Just add that to everything else I need to pay for. So not only can I not get the health care I need for my Crohn's disease, I can't get the help I need for my grief.

(sidenote: Yes people have told me to call hospice and see if they offer any free services and I plan on doing that when I feel ready to make that phone call... and I'm telling all of you who haven't been to my small town that it is VERY VERY small and all the towns beside me are VERY VERY VERY small and there just simply are no sources around here unless I travel 3-4 hours, sometimes more...)

So I'm pretty much assuming that I'm going to be in debt for a heck of a long time because in order to get screenings for my own health to make sure I don't die of cancer that I am multiple times at risk for I am going to have to pay for it all out of my pocket..... because as of right now.. I cannot in ANY way shape or form afford health insurance.

It's really screwed up. I can only hope and pray that things will fall into place and in some way I will be able to get health insurance without being in debt with monthly bills... but as of right now - I can't get the colonoscopy I am over a year overdue for.... I can't get the blood work I need to make sure all my levels are in check. I can't take any medications to make sure that I don't get sick. I can't go to the doctor to understand why I am getting daily migraines.

Please tell me.... how is this fair?