Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Thoughts from the Terminally ill patients (and their caregivers)

I found this on Stumble Upon and it really struck a note with me. I loved it - everything it said, because it is SO true. I think that not only is it talking about the patient who is terminally ill, but the caregivers as well. I really wanted to share it and maybe some people will understand where I'm coming from. It's not to be rude. Not to be bitchy. Not to be ungrateful at all. It's just how it is and I don't know if you'd quite get it if you weren't in a terminally ill position, or even sometimes chronically position.

What I'm really thinking: the terminally ill patient

"Since I was diagnosed as terminally ill this summer, friends have rapidly disappeared. I can count my real friends on the two fingers that I'd like to raise to the rest of them. It's hard being friends with someone who's dying, I know – I've been in that role myself – but it's harder being the person saddened by the lame excuses for not making contact.
These all begin with, "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, but…" A text from a "friend" of many years told me she's been "busy, busy, busy"; another has been so tired after gardening she hasn't been able to email. Another doesn't know what to say. Well, how about talking about work, kids, partners, politics, weather, what's on TV – like we used to?
Then there's, "But I pray for you every day." Every day? Does your compassionate God not tell you that he's heard your prayers before, to stop repeating yourself, get up off your knees, pick up the phone and talk to me instead?
I listen to the excuses and say I understand, but I don't. The two people who have been friends don't do anything different. They just carry on visiting and having a laugh; they keep the emails coming and share their news with me, even when I'm not well enough to reply. Do those who've made the excuses believe what they say, or will they, for my funeral, suddenly find the time to attend, weep and say how much they miss me?"

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for posting this, someone I love is coming close to the end of their journey. More then anything, I just want to know how she feels, what she wants to talk about, and what I should be doing to support her through this. We used to have long amazing conversations about everything and anything, now there is more silence between us then laughter. I'm not sure what I should say or how I should act. This helped me out, maybe tomorrow when I see her I will have more strength then usual. Thank you again, and I wish you all the best in your journey through this life.
    - A.A.T. NY