After she left I started to feel a little bit better. When things don't go how I hope that they will - sometimes I just tend to not have as much optimism about the situation. Usually I try to stay very optimistic, just knowing things will get better. But I tend to get caught up in my own little world and it brings me down. Even though there are days that I really don't want to, it's good to talk to people about what's going on because I tell them the good things... the things they want to hear and keep away some of the negative things. It does me a lot of good to be forced to focus upon the positive.
I hate when I feel like my optimism is running dry. Makes things so much harder, of course. It does no good for me, and definitely no good for Spencer. I'm glad I was able to turn around a little bit today. Stopping the sedation was really a big move. Him being more alert should help things improve. Before, we'd get him off the sedation and he'd pull his breathing tube out - so I hope now we can keep it in tact and get him to slowly getting better!!!
Spencer got ordained to be an elder 2 days ago =) I was so very happy for him. He's been wanting this for so long, just hasn't been able to do it because he'd always get sick. But they felt like it was time to get the process moving and so the stake president came up along with the ward mission leader and his grandparents. His Grandpa ordained him and it was just fantastic. Knowing that my husband now has the authority is amazing. I can't wait until he can use it; especially to help me out. I've been wanting this for him!!! He doesn't remember it - and I REALLY wish he did because it is a big step in his life - but he's grateful that it was done.
I've had so many spiritual encounters since Spencer has been sick. It's been easy, yet hard to rely upon our Heavenly Father. I want to put everything in HIS hands... but it scares me at the same time. What if His plans are to cut Spencer's life short, now.. It pains me to think of that. I know that there is a reason, but I just want to think that Spencer isn't done here on Earth. I want to think that everything is going to get better. So it's hard for me, right now to put the situation into the Lords hands.... but I'm certainly trying, and getting there.
I've been reading the scriptures a lot more recently. I've drawn comfort and strength from it. I'm not one that usually reads them. I like reading about things in the scriptures that pertain to my life... I want to read something that I need to hear and not always does that happen. But I found on the church website a handy little "Guide to the Scriptures" and it has really made scripture study much better and enjoyable for me. I am able to look up something specific that I want to read or learn about, find it... and read verses that pertain to that specific topic. It's really helped me.
I looked up sickness the other night and found a scripture that I really liked in Doctrine and Covenants section 66:
"Lay your hands upon the sick, and they shall recover. Return not till I, the Lord, shall send you. Be patient in affliction. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
I just love this... I've heard it before and every time I read it something inside of me just... clicks... like it's exactly what I needed to hear. There are a few other verses that I have jotted down; but I'm sure I'll share at a later time. I'm glad that I'm able to read again... and that it's enjoyable to me. I'm getting so much out of it. Spencer said that he wanted to read together every night. I'm really looking forward to it. =)
I just think one of the most important things that we can do at this point is draw close to our Heavenly Father... It's the only way I know how to get by....
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