Friday, July 29, 2011

I guess I just kind of need to ramble a little bit. This won't be organized, or probably make much since because my own thoughts are not complete and I'm finding it hard to speak/type exactly what I'm thinking... So just bear with me =/
I'm having a rough time... Not having a vehicle and the freedom to do what I want/need to do is really bringing me down. Poor Spencer is in the hospital and is just miserable. He hasn't got the blockage completely cleared out and so he's bloated, nauseous, and in some pain. He can't stop throwing up the golitely and so they want to put an NG tube down into his small intestine so that he can stop throwing it up. He doesn't handle them well at all and I wish I could be there with him.
He doesn't have any of his belongings... I have his computer, he finished his book, cell phone and wallet are at home - he's very isolated and no one will visit him...
I'm at a spot where I'm just feeling guilty. Guilty because I can't go and see him... I am the only one that ever goes to see him regularly (there are a couple exceptions) and he's just feeling plain crummy. I want to be there for him.... Just to support him - but I can't even get up there =( I feel helpless.
He's not with his normal care team or even on his normal floor. He can't seem to get in touch with anyone that he is familiar with at the hospital (rec therapist etc) to get books/computer etc. and so hes super, super isolated, only having the TV for "company". If any one is reading this and you feel compelled to do so - please Give him a call or visit if you can. I usually don't ask for help - but I need someone to be there for him =( It would make me feel a lot better. As I've said he doesn't have his phone or computer so you'll have to send me a message (, or through facebook) if you want the info to get in touch with him...
When Spencer is sick in the hospital I am so used to being able to be there for him at the drop of a hat - but I feel so worthless right now. I'm needed but can't be there.

There is a lot to do around the house.. and I'm slowly trying to get it done... but now I'm also wanted to help out someone else when I'm finally getting on a roll with my own housework. It's a complicated situation in which I am not going to post it all here.... but I feel the need to help this person out as much as I can...
Idk it just adds on even more stress not knowing exactly where I want to/need to be. I feel like a lost puppy who's run away from home.

I realize I'm repeating myself a lot.. and it may not all make since, but I don't care at this point... I just need to let it all out. My thoughts are ALL jumbled and I can't even think straight.

I guess I've half way said what I wanted to say... don't feel much better but maybe later I will.

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