Thursday, July 14, 2011

Kinda seems like we/I can't win.... If you've read my previous posts I've been having a rough time. Feels like everything is piling up and overloading me. I think things are going great and are looking in the right direction and then what seems like a huge curve ball gets thrown in the way and I get discouraged. It's been pretty hard for me to take care of myself. Spencer has been pretty sick for about a week now and so I've had to take care of him more than usual. Running to the store to get gatorade and pedialite, filling up water bottles, making sure he's drinking enough, helping him set up where he wants to sleep at. It's not easy. I know when he's sick because that's when he needs this kind of help. It's tiring for me - but I do it. I love him and I hate to see him struggle. Sometimes I show my frustration but I'm never upset at him - more-so I just hate that he honestly cannot physically do it himself. I feel so helpless - yet I know I help him so much. Just gets hard to balance taking care of him and myself at the same time, you know?

Today was rough. His energy is just zapped and I kid you not he slept ALL day long. Having to help him as much as I did today makes my heart break. I hate seeing him in that kind of shape. Tomorrow leads us to clinic and I know deep down that he's going in. We will arrive at 12:00 for a bunch of blood work and then he'll head down and blow PFTs. Clinic is at 1 and I suspect he'll be there most of the day while he waits for a room. Poor guy. He's just exhausted and I know tomorrow is going to be really, really hard on him. Luckly I'll be there to help him get to where he needs to be. I love him so much.

Now on my side of things... Yesterday I had a WONDERFUL day. I had my adviser appointment with Jenny about my new major (Human Development and Family Studies - Child Life) and it went fantastic. She planned out all my classes with me for the next 5 semesters and IF everything goes as planned - I will be able to graduate Spring of 2013. That's sooner than I had expected!
There's a couple down sides to this though....
1) It's going to be a ROUGH 5 semesters. Especially this 2012 spring semester. Yikes. But I know I can do it if I just put my mind to it. It's going to be jammed packed with core classes for my major and some difficult subjects. (some pretty uninteresting to me lol)
2) I have to volunteer.... a lot for Kids Crew. It's volunteering under the Child Life Specialist at Primary Children's hospital. I knew I'd have to anyway - but the more I do, the better my chances are of getting a) the internship and b) a job... This is just going to make me even more busy... if that's possible!!!
3) I haveeee to get the internship Summer of 2012 at Primary. There is only one place in Utah that does Child Life internships and that's at Primary... great. I have one shot at this one and I have to take every chance I have now to prepare myself to land this. The down side about the internship... It's 40 hours a week, one semester, and it's UNPAID... holy crap. How am I supposed to work, internship, and take 3 classes? Ya... I don't know either. It's going to be a delicate balancing act.
4) If I don't get the internship then I have to either go a different route with my major (I *REALLY* don't want to have to do this) or I have to look out of state... Great. =/
5) After I graduate I still have to apply with Child life and get certified etc...

I am also adding a certificate program so that I can get enough credits in. Shouldn't be too hard - I don't know a lot about it yet - but I do know that It will help me with about any job in Human Development that I want.

I'ts going to be rough and I'm going to need a lot of support - but this is truly where I want to be... so BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!

More to write but I need to think about heading off to bed. I'm sure I'll be blogging again soon!!!
Good night!

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