I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about moving out of my parents out and going back to Utah. I came back to Kansas after Spence passed and told myself that I had to stay here for at least 6 months to get back on my feet, grieve, heal, and get the support from my family that I need while trying to figure out what the next step in my life would be.
Well it will be 6 months on the 11th of this month, and I'm looking at moving back to Utah in July. Seven months later - starting my new life. To say that I'm scared and nervous would be a serious understatement! But I just feel like it's time. I need to spread my wings again and get out of here. I need to face the grief so that I can start to heal. I need to live my life. Right now I'm just coasting by because there isn't much that I can do here that will help me grieve and heal. I am so thankful for the time that I've spent here with my family. I've gotten amazing and much needed support. I've been able to face the death of 3 more people with them right by my side going through it right along with me. But now it's just time.
When thinking about the immediate moving situation it seems rather straight forward... find a place to live, pack up my things, move, find a job, live my life. But when looking at the financial part of it, and the logistics of it all - it's a bit more complex. I'm starting to stress about it just a little bit. Wondering how things are going to work out. And wondering what the best way to approach this would be. It's hard job hunting from another state. It's hard apartment searching from another state. It's hard to know what you can/can't afford from another state when you don't know what you may or may not be making... when you start to make money again. You're leaving one job and going into the world of being unemployed in a terribly unstable job force all in hopes of finding the perfect job that will pay just enough so that you might be able to live and making ends meet month by month. And then somehow hoping that you might have at least 100 extra dollars a month, not for pleasure, but to pay off your debt. And let me tell you, minimum wage jobs aren't going to cut it. Nope - not even close. $7.25 isn't okay. I need at LEAST $8.50 just starting out, working a full time job. No less. I'd feel more comfortable if it was $9 or above.
I've crunched numbers knowing my current financial state. Knowing all of the money that I have saved (which isn't a whole lot). Knowing all of my current bills that I have to pay. Trying to somehow estimate what my rent will be, gas will be, utilities will be, food will be etc. But it's hard to know - hard to create a solid budget when things are so uncertain.
The cost of moving its self is not a pretty number. Driving my car, a big pickup pulling a gigantic Uhaul 2 states away, and then that pickup coming back isn't cheap. Gas isn't cheap. That's going to take up at least 1/2 of my savings. Crap.
I'm definitely not picky in places that I live and I'm trying not to be picky with the jobs that I may find - the only job that I absolutely refuse to do is working with food (restaurant stuff... though hostess, well I could do that). I just want something that will get me by for at least a few months, knowing that I may have to settle for something quite crummy. But I'm almost willing to do that if it means that I can start my life again.
But here have been a few of my concerns and potential problems...
In moving out without a job in place in Utah, I have a big problem with the "proof of income" stipulation I'm frequently going to run into. How does a person get around that? I could have someone cosign for me with good credit and such - but uhmmm I have no idea who that would be? There could be an option of paying a couple of months rent upfront so that if I didn't have a job within the first month I'd still be okay --- but then I'd really have no money to live with (for food and other bills). Not to mention my credit is nada. In fact I have everything going AGAINST my credit right now - but nothing going FOR my credit. Not a great situation... but something I cannot change at the moment. How am I going to be able to live in a place when they require a credit check and find out that that's one thing I DON'T have going for me... Eeesh how do you get around that one?
Even though I think that a place to myself would be nice, even if it was a small 1 bdrm or even a studio... I think it's out of my price range...(at least for the first 4-6 months.) So I'm thinking about finding a place to live with 1 + female roommate/s with LDS standards as I know living in a shared place is going to be far cheaper than having my own place and I want to make sure that I live with someone who is going to have the same ideals as myself. Hopefully I won't run into many problems with that - only things is I can't meet them in person and look at the place in person. AND I can't really look too far in advance because all the good places go really fast. It'd be something that comes right down to the line with moving. I have a few friends that I trust with looking at a place for me - so that kind of solves the problem. Oh i don't know!
My other problem is finding a job. I need something quickly. I'd LOVE to have a job in place before I move, but I don't know that that would be an option with interviews etc. I can't afford to go out there just for a few job interviews. I think I'm going to have enough money to live okay without a job for about 2 months, but preferably shorter because I'd like a cushion in case anything would happen! And I'm not in a situation, as I said before, to take just a minimum wage job. I need something that's going to pay more than that in order for me to make ends meet every month. I planned on getting my CNA license (but this also means I have to pay for classes and state test... eeesh like $500) and getting a good job that way... but it takes time... I really don't know what I'm going to do exactly. I've had a couple of people offer to help me in my job search, I'm SO thankful for that. I can only hope and pray that something comes through.
I thought about taking a 'vacation' two-ish weeks(give or take) before the planned move date in hopes of finding a good place to live and possibly setting up some job interviews. (if not job interviews then getting my CNA classes done). And then my parents can go ahead and come out to Utah with my things on the date that we set to move.... all in hopes that I'm successful in my searching and something is available. Of course the date that they came out could be flexible. I would just have to find a place to stay, which I know I've had several friends/family tell me that I could stay with them while I'm searching. Very thankful for that. We'll just have to see - this might be the way things are going to have to be.
I'm just worried... I'm scared enough starting my life over, and then add in all these extra things - and moving back to Utah... states away. It's hard. I could REALLY use some tips, advice, suggestions or ANYTHING. Everything positive is very, very much welcome. I want to make this work out so badly. I want to be back out there.... like, yesterday!