Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I miss my husband.

This is just going to be short... I just need to get it out there without posting a million facebook statuses about it because... well just because -- it doesn't matter.

I miss my husband. Terribly. I have been missing him all week and I've really been trying to ignore the fact.... brush it off as no big deal. It's been a hard week for me. I have enjoyed myself with these girls and the YM program but a lot of the time we are just sitting around - everyone texting their friends or boyfriends while the girls work on their routines. So I just try to distract myself with games or facebook or something like that.... I don't have anyone to text anymore. No one to call. I don't have anyone to talk to to tell them that I'm home safe.... that I'm on my way home (okay yes my parents but... beside the point here, really....)
I have been feeling sick since being on this antibiotic. Every single day. Some days better, some days worse - but I'm just overall not feeling well. I burn easily in the sun. I don't handle heat well and being outside makes me feel awful. All I want to do is complain but I don't have anyone to complain to. (ie my husband to listen to me and just comfort me).
I'm forgetting what it feels like to hold his hand. To have him comfort me and to put his arm around me. I'm not forgetting -- I forgot. I see pictures of him with his arm around me... I want to remember how that feels -- but I don't... it's only in pictures. And that hurts, because I won't ever know that specific feeling with him ever again. (and I know there an eternity... but I don't want that speech right now...) I don't want to forget things....

I just miss him and I miss having someone who is ALWAYS ALWAYS there no matter what. That person I can call or text just to say hello and tell him that I love him and miss him. =/  Just having a moment... Hopefully after this week this will feeling with pass... but until then I have to try and accept it and know that it's normal to feel how I'm feeling and it's going to be a frequent thing for awhile.

It doesn't mean that it doesn't suck though. And it doesn't mean that it doesn't break my heart.


  1. my heart aches so much for you right now, nikki. i'm sending you all of my love & prayers. ALL, really, all, all, all of my love & prayers.

  2. Just want you to know that I love you and I'm praying for you.