Thoughts..

Christmas seemed to come and go this year. No preparation; almost no warning. Sad to say that it truly just didn't feel like Christmas. Even though we tried to keep traditions alive - it wasn't the same. Combination of several things:

Wasn't able to get gifts for Spence and I didn't get to open any from him; Not to mention he's not here and I don't have him to come back to.

Grandpa is in a home now and wasn't there for Christmas Eve at grandmas.... was different

Granma Johnson is in the home as well and so it was really different for Christmas day. Usually we go up to grandmas house or people come here, or we go to my aunts house - but this year they went to the home with her. I didn't go because I have a nasty cold so I stayed home with my mom (who was on call) and my sister (who couldn't go).

We still played the Wii on Christmas day like we did last year. It was fun.

But it's just a bummer it came and passed with not much enthusiasm - from anyone. I suppose that's okay considering everything... Just stinks.

We didn't focus much of gifts this year. Just really time with family. I'm perfectly okay with that. My big gift this year was a sewing machine. =) Just what I asked for. I have been really crafty and there are several things I want to make out of the blue and so I always thought it'd be nice to just have my own machine instead of waiting to go home and use moms.

I am so thankful for all the care packages, birthday packages, and holiday packages that came along with all of the cards. They really lightened the mood this year with everything that has went on. Makes it a little easier knowing that you have so many people who care enough to take the time to send something. Thank you to all who have done so. I'm working on thank you cards for the packages or gifts and will get them out shortly after the new year - writing a couple every few days.

Our house is stuffed to the brim with boxes and things from my house. I am so anxious and ready to get everything in its right place so I can feel like I actually live here and am not just visiting. Of course I'm not going to live here forever - but I am making myself stay at least 6 months.

I was going through a couple of boxes in my closet. I discovered my books that I used to read and I finally found my whole set of A Series of Unfortunate Events! Such depressing books but I love them. Ha. I am only missing the last one - and I have only read books 1 through 10! Guess it's time to reread the series and purchase the last book... but maybe for a later date!

I was also going through a box with memories from high school. My awards, pictures in the paper, articles, even a couple of essays that I wrote! Wow - How things change! I ran across 2 fill-in-the-blank books from when I was 8-10 years old.. Oh my goodness! The things I wrote in there were so funny! It was all about your best friend, so I wrote about my childhood friend, Tessa. Got a chuckle out of those memories!

The last thing I ran across was probably the thing I am most anxious to read. My high school journals!!! I am almost EMBARRASSED by them! XD I flipped through a couple of entries and I was laughing... typical teenager I was!

I started when I was a freshman - I got a journal for my 8th grade graduation from a family friend and I am so glad I started writing. A lot of my writing faded out when I was a senior. I am interested to go back and read about my disease, but like I said, almost embarrassed to read about my like in boys and who I dated along with the memories that comes with it! HA! I know there are some thing about Spencer in there towards the end - I am wanting to read that as I don't remember much about when Spence and I first got together!

I'm trying to give myself little tasks every day to keep busy. Today I tried planning out a lower calorie and healthy menu... Looking to get back into shape and lose some of the weight I gained when Spencer was in the hospital as well as gain back the muscle I lost. It's going to be pretty hard to do since I was so sedentary for 3 months - but I miss my old body! lol

Have a few plans for some projects I want to do while I am home. Just need to organize my thoughts and get separate journals for each project so I can keep them all straight and not forget anything that I may think of. I want my time to be useful!!!

Thats all for now. I have a couple more ideas for blog posts later! Just didn't want to cram it all into one long one! (even though this one is probably much longer than I intended it to be - but I just needed to write)