My heart is just broken. Shattered. This isn't fair and I don't understand it. I have no idea what possible good could come out of losing your husband, your best friend, the one you love the most.
I have that pit in my stomach that this is it. There isn't going to be a transplant. He's entirely too sick right now. I can't even imagine things without him. My life as been dedicated to him for the past 3 years. We've only been married 6 months... 3 months straight he's been in the hospital... and if you combine times between getting married and where we are now - I'm sure it's been 4 months total he's been in here. I feel like he DESERVES another shot at life. Why on Earth does he have to go? I'm not ready to lose him. I'm not ready for him to die.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. Don't know how to act. I'm just a mess. I'm so terrified and completely pissed off. I'm hurt, upset.... broken. I want him to get better. I want to believe he's going to get better - but I can't have a false sense of hope. I also need to be realistic about the situation.
I just don't know how I'm supposed to do this. How I'm supposed to continue on. How I am supposed to bear the pain of losing him. I don't feel strong enough to do this.
I'm falling apart......