Sunday, February 12, 2012

Reflection in the mirror - Day 19

Your reflection in the mirror - Day 19

Thought I'd start back up with my 30 Days of Blogs. I'm definitely behind! But I'm glad I was able to take a little bit of a break from blogging on here.

What I look at myself in the mirror I am not exactly happy with the outward appearance that I see, but I have definitely come to see my inner beauty. Everyone notices the flaws that no one else sees with his/her appearance... But I'm definitely disappointed in the way I've let my body down. From spending months in the hospital with Spencer day after day, and then coming home and sitting around for about a month grieving I definitely gained some weight. And not only have I gained weight, I've lost a heck of a lot of muscle mass. Sitting around on the computer and reading, and writing all day for 4-5 months will really do that to a person.
The stress on my body really didn't help either, causing me to eat probably the most unhealthy foods I could and I ate them at the worse times possible. The comfort foods. Comfort eating. And not to mention that the hospital food isn't the most healthiest either O_O. You'd think being in a hospital it'd be super healthy, but no.... not at all. Huge portions and greasy as heck!

But anyway... back on track.

I have been thinking and thinking about ways that I want to get my body back into the shape that it deserves. I'm just coming up short every time. I do well on one thing, and then fall short on another thing. I can eat pretty well for a few days/weeks at a time, and then I get super stressed out and eat everything in sight. Horrible. So I'm slowly working on improving my eating habits and also my activity level. Watching a 3 year old 4 days a week for 8 hours a day most definitely increases the activity level!! I just can't wait until it gets warmer outside so that we can do nature walks and go to the play ground and run around. That will really help me.

Again... back on the right track of the post...

So even though I'm not greatly impressed with my outward appearance, I am becoming more and more proud of my inward beauty. I have really come to understand this through years and years of self reflection and growing. I really started to realize who I truly am during and after those 3 months that Spence was sick. I realize how caring and empathetic I am. And I realize how incredibly strong I am. Even thought I don't feel strong half the time, when I reflect on especially those last 3 months, I realize how strong I had to be to go through everything and to help Spencer out.

It has taken me a very long time to realize all of this... and I've still got a ways to go.... but I'm getting there and I know that Spence would be super proud of me.

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