It's been awhile..

I haven't been blogging much this month! I feel like I've been really busy and just haven't taken the time to sit down and write. I have so many things that I want to write about! But for right now I'm just going to write what pops into mind and save the detailed blog posts for later!

On the 16th of this month I launched a new website to spread cystic fibrosis awareness and to educate people about CF. It is in honor and memory of my late husband, Spencer. So far it has been very successful!!! The website got nearly 2,000 views in the first week that it was up. Amazing. I am so thankful for the support that I have received. I am so excited to add to the website and watch it grow =) You can check out the website at www.riddleofcf.com  I'll write a blog later about it, probably after the beginning of May once I launch the "Featured" portion! I haven't gotten to do a lot of advertising and posting about it because my best friend from San Diego was here for 3 days and I took a long 10 day break from the interwebs =)

Which leads me to say that I had a wonderful 10 days with my best friend, Emily! Em traveled to Kansas to stay with me and we had such a good time. We got to see and stay with a couple of super good friends in Colorado for about 3 days and that was probably the highlight for me from this past week. It was SO good to get away - it was not only something that I wanted to do, but something that I really needed. I've been so isolated since Spencer passed away and moving back home. I needed to be around my peers. We got to Bird City on the Sunday the 22nd. We spent a lot of time scrapbooking and doing crafts which was really relaxing and nice to do with a friend. There was a lot of down time where we just couldn't think of what to do - but I think we had a pretty good time, overall! =) Hope you enjoyed it Emily!

I continue to learn a lot about myself and the grieving process the more time that passes since Spencers death. I never quite understood that lonely feeling that many widows (and grieving persons in general) say that they experience. It wasn't until about 4 months out that I really started feeling lonely. A deep longing for my husband. Despite being around the best girls in the world - I was missing something. I was so empty.... And it's not that I wasn't having fun - I WAS! It's hard to describe and I really want to write more about this later. I think I have finally sorted out some of my thoughts with some of the things that I have been feeling. 

And last but not least - I want to end with the biggest thing on my mind. I found out this morning before I left to take Emily to the airport that my mother-in-law, Pam, is declining rapidly. For some of you that may not have known, she is passing away from a fight with breast cancer. The cancer progressed near the end of last year and she decided to stop doing treatment for it since it wasn't helping her. She is in her final days and hours right now. My brother-in-law Isaac posted that they are now giving her medication to make her comfortable. She is not in pain, she is peaceful. They are, and I am as well, asking for prayers for her peace and comfort as she lives her last hours on this Earth. They ask for prayers that she passes with so much love in her heart. Which I have no doubt about because she was one of the most loving ladies I have ever had the privilege of knowing. 

I have had a lot of flash backs today after reading that she is getting the medication to be comfortable and at peace to help her pass. Reminds me of Spence in his final day. The decision to make those last couple of steps that were necessary for him to peacefully slip away. It's really made me miss him a lot today. Always loving him. 

Also... we just got word that my grandpa S. (my mom's dad) has been pretty unresponsive today. Last week they found out he had a DVT (deep blood clot..) in his leg and they started blood thinners for that. I don't know what ever came out of that.... but he's been doing quite poorly for awhile now. They are concerned that his body may be shutting down and are wondering if he might make it. My mom is down giving my grandma the news right now. I just pray for comfort for both my family and my in-laws. We're surrounded in a world full of illness and death right now and we need so, so much strength to make it through. 

I'm struggling a little bit.... It's sad - always sad. But through love, support, comfort, and prayers I will make it through some how - I always do. 

I survived

I survived today. The 4 month mark... The always dreaded 11th of the month. Four months since I have been without my love. For months since I last kissed him. Since I last held his hand. Since I last heard him take a breath.

Four

Months

These four months have felt like an ETERNITY to me, but at the same time it feels like just yesterday. I can think back and remember specific details about the day Spencer passed away. It's like it just happened... The pain at times is so fresh and stabbing like it JUST happened.

But yet I feel like it's been AGES ago. Because in widow time, seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours... and sometimes hours feel like a short day. Everything just slows down and sometimes stops. The world moves on without me. Leaving me behind.

The month-a-versaries aren't easy. I was really down and out Jan 11th because it was only a month. Feb 11th was horrible because my grandma passed away. March 11th I was driving back from Utah. I was a master of distraction that day. Had a break down moment and I was constantly paranoid something was going to happen to some one. I mean why not? I already lost 3 people in my life on the 11th. So I was *very* worried all day that I was going to hear that one of my other gparents passed away or something. But alas - no one died and I survived.. Barely.

But this month? I tried to keep my mind off of the 11th leading up to it. In fact the thought didn't even cross my mind in the morning until I looked at the calendar. when I saw the 11th I did have a sinking feeling in my stomach but I told myself that it was OKAY. I was a bit paranoid all that we were going to get some kind of bad news as my gpa had an oncology appt today. But nothing bad ever came of today.

Not only did I survive the 11th of April... but I survived it WELL. It wasn't a matter of just trying to sustain myself throughout the day as it has been the past 3 months.

Even though this may seem like a small feat - it's huge in the widow world. Huge. Little moments like this are something to brag about because it shows that even though it hurts like crazy that I don't have Spencer here anymore that I am doing OKAY and I will continue to do OKAY.

Of course I still have moments of horribly overwhelming grief and mourning. Moments where I honestly don't feel like I can go on. I can't quite tell you how I get through them, but I do - and that's the important part, that I continue on even when I feel I can't. I know that these moments of grief will hit for a very long time. There is no question about that. It will always hurt. Always. You never forget the one you love the most. But overtime I will learn how to cope with this grief. And I'm really looking forward to when I get in those dark moments of grief, being able to see a glimmer of light and hope instead of nothing but darkness, loneliness, and hopelessness.

I am proud of myself for how far I've come. For how much I have learned. About grief. About life. About MYSELF.

Prayers for Jordan

I have posted several statuses recently... One about the tornadoes in TX (Hope all my TX friends are safe!!!)... one about indoor active activities for a 3 year old... and so I have refrained from updating my status once again..

But I want to take this time (while miss A is cleaning up all of her toys and picking up!!) to quickly blog a prayer request.

I am asking for many thoughts and prayers for Jordan Ulrich and her family right now. I have been following Jordan's Journey on facebook and this girl is incredible. She has had a heck of a long road with her Cystic Fibrosis and has had two double lung transplants. She has some some INCREDIBLY close calls, but she's pulled through each time. She has an amazing attitude and has a fight within her that it seems nothing can break her. I have been truly amazed by her courage and strength.

But friends, right now Jordan is, once again, in a serious fight for her life. Yesterday she was rushed to the hospital with low sats and feeling short of breath... Here is an update from her mom as of yesterday:

"We are at the local ER with Jordan. Jordan's sats plummeted to 78%, 80% to 87%. She says she feels okay... She's a little air hungry and feels her old friend Mr. Elephant has returned to sit on her chest. She has a fever of 100.9 and is sucking in air like a fish. She's feeling a little better now that they've given her 3 liters of oxygen. Jordan says Mr Elephant is standing up now giving her a little rest. She tried to blow while ago and it wouldn't read it meaning she wasn't able to blow long enough to read it. Pretty odd since she could still blow up until the day they put her on the vent. We finally have an IV started (!!!!!) only 6 tries I think, but at least it is in and going. The blood work is ordered and drawn, they did an EKG on her and this doctor is calling the doctor at Baylor to see what next. Please pray. I'll post as I know more."

A few hours later, Jordans mom posted this update:

"Jordan is sicker than she looks. They are medi flighting her to Baylor in a few minutes. Kidney creatine up to 1.9, WBC 5.0, pneumonia BAD in left lung, the right lung has hyperinflated do much it's shoved her heart over. The xray looks terrible! Says are 91 on 4 Liters of oxygen, blood pressure low, respirations high at 58, heart rate elevated to 130's. Don't know if they will let me ride on flight but if not will all follow behind.

They've started steroids 60 mg., and Vanc, plus another antibiotic, it's a deul one I can't remember the name.

I'm crazy because I don't know where we are. I don't know if Jordan is sick or SICK. the doctors here think she's SICK but is she or is it just worry about the two lung transplants? Would prefer to be in LA but will be okay with Baylor. It will be new to Jordan.... She's never

stayed the night there be fore. Please pray! Little sweet Jordan is terribly scared as she doesn't know what's going on either!" She updated again a little later saying that she was in ICU and that Jordan's situation may jeopardize her transplant.

Jordan had a great evening. She was doing very well and they moved her out of ICU. Well last night she took a turn for the worse. This is the most recent update from Jordan's mom:

"It's a reminder that we can NEVER get too comfortable with a lung transplant! Jordan was doing so well that they moved her out of ICU last night. During the night she got much, much worse. She is on 21 (!) liters of oxygen! I've never heard of that much O2! 6 liters in on a canula, 15 on a mask. Her xray looks like ghost lungs today. Dr Rosenblatt thinks she's in REJECTION! They are doing a bronc right down to see what's going on. This is the time for Jordan to FIGHT!"

Jordan is only my age. Only 21. She's been through so much and if she has fight left in her, we need to help her out with this fight!!!!

When I hear about situations such as this I get major flash backs from the day that Spencer got deathly ill. He's lucky, and it is a pure miracle that he pulled through. I have NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that friends and families thoughts and prayers kept my husband alive for 3 months, fighting for his life.

This is why I post this. Jordan needs thoughts and prayers coming her way. Desperately. I am asking you to just take a few seconds to stop what you are doing and help this 21 year old girl out. Please pray for her family - This is an incredibly hard and terrifying situation to be in, especially for the caregivers - I know from first hand experience.

Jordan you are in many people thoughts and prayers. Continue to fight as long as you possibly can and know we are all thinking and praying for you!!! <3

Determined

.... and determined I AM! I have been wanting to get fit, be healthy, and lose this accumulated weight for a long time now. I never really had the motivation before to put everything together to make this work. And to be honest with you - I still don't know if I have enough motivation to keep this going.... but so far I'm doing well. I just want to share my experience so far =)

On the 18th of this month I decided change really needed to happen. I decided to start eating healthier meaning more fruits and veggies, correct portion sizes, eating breakfast, not eating too late, and having 2 healthy snacks a day so that I don't get overly hungry. I wasn't completely sure how to start, but I was in Wal*Mart and was going to get special K cereal (I really like it!) and noticed the special K challenge and also a coupon for a free protein product.... Sooo with that I decided that maybe a good way to start with the eating part of things was to do this challenge. I got a couple boxes of cereal, a free 6 pack of protein shakes, and a box of protein bars.

When I got home I looked up the challenge and thought it was pretty do-able.. I really needed to train my body that food in moderation is GOOD and that fruits and veggies are great snacks and WILL fill me up. I usually only eat a granola bar for breakfast anyway and I love cereal, so should be easy right? Well.... kind of. I wasn't very good with having the snacks between breakfast and lunch and then lunch and dinner and so I noticed myself getting pretty hungry and just miserable. Not a lot of energy. I am getting better at eating healthy snacks in between and if I feel a craving for something, eating fruit instead and I'm getting so much better with it! I don't feel near as hungry and food isn't constantly on my mind like before.

Dinner was the hardest to follow because my family... well they don't eat the healithiest for dinner ;-) So it was always tempting to eat the good, fattening foods and big portions - but I was able to restrain! YAY!

I'm not really following the Special K challenge anymore. I think it was a great way to start though because it made me aware of proper portion sizes, healthy snacks, knowing when is ok to eat, and it helped my body kind of cleanse its self. At first I always felt hungry despite eating all sorts of fruits and veggies - but now they seem to fill me up. Great thing! Dessert is what's getting me now. Still gotta work on that one!!

Another thing I'm trying to get better at is exercising. So far I have taken a 20-30 minute walk every day. Sometimes I will get a 15 min walk in and then a longer walk in later. I've done this every day except for one. Now that it's nicer outside I find myself wanting to enjoy a nice long walk so it's not a challenge to get out and do so. I tried the running thing but it's honestly NOT for me. I roll my ankles too frequently and I feel uneasy. It's hard on my joints and I just HATE it. I realized that walking is just fine and I am doing a 20-30 minute at-home workout every other day. Exercising hasn't been that hard - and for that I am thankful!!!! I'm also getting more active during the day in general. A and I (little girl I sit for) are able to go outside in the morning and take a short walk and I try to turn it into a learning game for her so she doesn't get bored (talking about animals, finding certain objects) and she enjoys it. Then in the afternoon we walk to the library, ride her bike, play at the park, play a heck of a lot of tag - she keeps me moving and even though I don't like it, I know it's good for me! =)

I've been trying to change my sleeping habits as well. I am trying to shut down at about 9:30 so I can be asleep by about 10 or 10:30. (doesn't always happen though!) I notice that if I get any less than about 8 to 8.5 hours of sleep I'm just a zombie the whole day. I feel my best when I get about 9 hours of sleep, but I'm still working up to that! heh.

I'm not doing this to impress anyone or to show off - I just want to be healthy, desperately. I want to be confident. I want to look decent in a bathing suit this summer and in a dress at the Gala in May.

I haven't stepped on a scale yet. But I'm planning to soon. Record what I have and hopefully drop 1-2 pounds a week and gain some muscle mass. I'm horribly weak =( I would like to be around 125. I have a goal in mind to be at by the Gala in May and then a Goal to reach by June =) I think I can do it... I hope I can do it. Oh boy! Never easy - but they say afte 21 days of doing something it becomes a habit - maybe this will be the case? =)

My name in lights..

.....Okay - so it isn't THAT big of a deal, but it kind of is a big deal for me, and it's really something that I just can't stifle my thoughts, emotions, and feelings about.

[I know there is going to be some jealousy as there was the last time, but please, let me live in the moment and be excited about this! I'd appreciate =)]

Let me backtrack a little bit and give you a bigger picture before I share my news! :D I know, the suspense sucks! lol

Starbright World and the Starlight Foundation have been a huge part of my life and I am so proud to be able to help them out!!

If you want to learn more about the Starlight Children's Foundation visit www.starlight.org! And to learn more about Starbright World you can ready a little about it and view a video here.

I have been a member of Starbright World (SBW) for about 6 years now. Starbright World is an online social network for chronically ill teenagers and their siblings. It's a place where we can go for true understanding and support through our tough teenage years while we battle illnesses that often times prevent us from living a "normal" life like our friends. SBW was a lifesaver for me. And not to mention, I met my husband, Spencer there ;-)

Early on in my membership with SBW I was asked to be featured (kind of a poster child) in a e-news letter. I shared with the Starlight Children's Foundation how SBW has impacted my life and what it is like to be a sick kid. It was a pretty cool thing for me to do at 15 or 16 years old. =) I was honored!

I continued being an active member of SBW and became nominated and "elected" as one of the Community Leaders (CL) on SBW. CLs are, kind of, highlighted members. We represent the SBW community. We get to have special meetings and help out the chat moderators (hosts) as needed. We also get to help out with cool contests and make new members feel welcome into the online community. To help them feel that they belong.

In 2009 I was asked to 'star' in a video for the new and improved Starbright World! Of course I said yes and they flew me to LA to shoot the video. One of the chathosts, Gabe, was the director, they had a legit film crew and SBW spotlight location in the hospital, and another senior chathost, Rasa, was my "mom" in the video. We had a GREAT time. You can view the video below. (which I've never shared before!!!) Keep in mind - I was SO nervous! I had NEVER been on camera before and I'm used to stage acting... not on-camera acting! haha! I was supposed to be a young, hyper, teen tooottalllly excited about SBW! Not the best thing I've ever done - but it was so fun! haha

To my huge surprise, in 2010 Spencer and I were asked if we would like to join our best friend, Emily, on a skit to feature Starbright World at the Starlight Gala and after doing the skit if we would like to give a speech sharing our story and our involvement with Starbright World! We said yes in an instant and we were flown to LA to the Gala. It was SOOOOO much fun. Not to mention that's where Spencer proposed ;-) We did our little skit with the lovely Emily and then we gave our speech to hundreds of celebrities. And then we got to hang out with the celebs which was so fun! Fantastic evening. A clip of the 2010 Gala below! (a few Photos Here) I also know that we touched a ton of people. (if you scroll down you can read about her favorite starlight little pickle press memory) Mr. T was the very first to start clapping at the end of our speech - and he gave us a standing O!!! Haha!

Spencer and I then followed up with Starlight a couple of times and were featured in another newsletter after the Gala to tell everyone how we were doing and talk about some of our wedding plans and then after we were married sharing a few of our wedding photos. Spencer and I continued our membership on Starbright World; Spencer became a volunteer as a mentor on the site and I recently became a volunteer as well mentoring the CLs and other users =) I love volunteering my time and helping out. It's truly a light in my life!

And now..... what you've been waiting for =)

I am beyond honored, blessed, and privileged that I was asked to not only speak at this years Starlight Gala in Los Angeles, CA, but I was also asked to present an award to one of Starlight's honorees!!! I am so thrilled to be given this opportunity!

When I received the email I read it, said "Oh My Gosh" with a shocked face and huge smile and my mom asked me what was going on. My eyes completely filled with tears and I was unable to speak. So honored. So blessed.

I have SUCH a deep passion for speaking and touching others. I always, always want to help. I've always told myself that if I touch and inspire just one person then I've done my job and I'll be happy. But I know I've had an impact on so many more people than just one - and to be given opportunities to continue to inspire and touch people is truly a dream come true. It touches ME so deeply to be asked.

I asked myself last night what I ever did to deserve this... I almost don't feel worthy to do such a thing... but I think karma has come around. I have truly had a harder year than I could ever imagine. It was filled with ups (and the BEST ups of my life) but also so, so many downs. Yet I have done my best to remain optimistic and I continue to help others despite my hard time - I think it's all coming back and giving me what I feel like I deserve. This amazing opportunity.

So honored. So blessed.

And now the very giddy side of me that of course I have.... I want to share more!

They are going to fly me to LA on May 17th, and if it goes like last time, I'll have a driver there to greet me and take me to the freaking BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL! Haha! I'm wayy too low class for that :-P How cool!!! The Gala is being held there and I'll get to spend the night there!

You know how they have those special rooms backstage for the presenters and speakers on like talk shows and stuff - well last time Spence, Emily, and I were given our own backstage room! Maybe I'll get one again :-P. I know that after I get there I will probably watch some rehearsal and then do my own rehearsal to figure out how it all goes. Then I'll get ready for the Gala and eat some AMAZING food, and then hang out backstage with the hosts and wait for my turn =)

Last time after the evening was over we were asked several times by the celebs if we could take some pics with them and we got to hang out with them. WE were the ones being treated like celebs. Cool!

I'm just super excited for the experience again, to share more of my story, and so happy to be going back.

I'll say it again... I am TRULY so blessed, so privileged, and so incredibly honored to be doing this <3 THANK YOU STARLIGHT! =)

"Widow Brain"

Okay so I don't think anyone will quite understand the magnitude of this problem unless they have lost a spouse or someone very close. If you want a look into some of my internal struggles and every day life, read on, friends, read on....

Widow brain is a very frustrating, angering, and upsetting thing. Sometimes it gets rather embarrassing. It's when you just forget just about

e v e r y t h i n g

*** You stop mid sentence when you're talking to someone because:

1. you get side tracked by something such as

a. background noise/happenings

b. your own thoughts

c. scattered emotions and feelings

d. all of the above, all at once

2. you completely forget what you were saying

3. you completely forget your entire point

4. you, even sometimes, forget what the conversation is even about.

And it's worse than just your normal "oh shoot I forgot what I was saying." Much worse. Trust me - before Spencer got sick and passed I frequently lost my train of thought, but OH BOY - did I ever think that I'd get this level of amnesia?! HECK NO! Sometimes I get so frustrated to the point of tears. I am normally NOT socially awkward - but this makes me feel very awkward when talking to friends and even sometimes family because I so desperately want to talk and have a good time, but I stumble on my words and thought process all. the. time. It gets worse when I am either thinking of Spencer, or when I am talking about things related to Spencer and his passing. This is why right now I really prefer e-mailing and occasionally texting over phone calls and in person conversations... because it's not only annoying... it's a blunt reminder that I feel like I'm completely losing it and what I have lost.

You misplace pretty much every single thing you have at some point....

Again... this isn't your ordinary "I can't find what I'm looking for" situation. This is probably the number one thing that bothers me most. I literally feel like I'm losing my mind. I have misplaced my keys several times, I have 'lost (or misplaced, I don't know yet)' my first checks, I misplaced my purse, my camera, that paper I was JUST looking at.... And the list goes ON AND ON AND ON!

And it's not JUST misplacing my things. Oh how I wish it was JUST misplacing a few things here and there.. No, it's misplacing them and then finding them in the most random and strange places.... =/ Those kind of places that you go, "when did I even open that cabinet up?" Ya. Horrible.

And what's worse? I have seriously horrible memory gaps. Again, terrible amnesia. Sometimes I can remember point A to point B... but point B to point C?? Don't even try to ask me what I was doing, where I was at, where that glass of water that I just had in my hand two seconds ago went.... Talking about my very first misplaced check - I honestly do not know what happened from the time I left the house to the time I arrived at my own home. can't recall a bit of it. Who knows the place that I went right after I got home. Who knows where I set down that check. Did I have it in my hand while walking home? Was it in my pocket? My purse? My bag? I don't know.

I will sometimes walk into a room, or specifically the kitchen, look around and wonder why the heck I'm there. In the kitchen example... I will be standing with the frige open... and then it's like I snap out of a 'dream-like-state' and wonder HOW the heck my feet just carried me from my position on the couch to the open refrigerator door. Ugh. Horrible. It's like I'm in a daze when it happens.

I mean I don't want anyone to get concerned about it. I've read this is a VERY common thing that widows/ers do... and people who are grieving in general do. We glide through life... just try to sustain. It's often times a fog going day by day and sometimes I don't remember half of the things I did the previous day.

I just really needed to vent. I am frustrated by this. I hate being so awkward and forgetful! (don't worry.... I have my mom looking over my shoulder with the bigger things to back me up and make sure nothing SUPER important is getting misplaced and that I'm okay)..... I just wonder when this will ease up - because I'm getting VERY sick of it >.<

EDIT: I was just googling "Widow Brain" after writing this post.... I wanted to read what others had to say about it.. and while reading another Widow blog and I found this... I feel like it sums up what I was attempting to say PERFECTLY...

" It’s the inability to make even the simplest of decisions; to remember a thought even from just 30 seconds ago. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into a room unable to remember why I went in there. How many times I’ve opened my mouth to say something only to have absolutely no idea what it was I wanted to say. I’ve even walked away from my car in a parking lot while it was still running. Twice.

As if grief and loss wasn’t bad enough, “widow’s brain” leaves you feeling like you have almost no control over the pieces of your life that remain. I used to be so organized. So ready. So on top of everything. Now, we’re lucky if I remember to grab Shane’s lunch on our way out the door in the morning. And don’t think I haven’t had to go back for it once or twice, either.

And probably the worst thing about “widow’s brain” – it prevents you from being able to recall your memories. Even the one’s you want to remember. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve ended up in tears because I can’t remember what Chris used to call something, or what his reaction to a situation had been. There are so many details about our life together that I simply can not remember, no matter how hard I try. And that sucks. Losing your spouse is difficult enough; why take away the widow’s ability to recall facets of their life together as well? It’s almost like the things that made “us”, “us”, are gone now too.

When does enough actually get to be enough?"

What I believe....

I don't often blog about my faith. I figure that if anyone is interested in what I believe they will ask me. But I have come to realize that most people do not ask =) They assume and judge before truly understanding what they are assuming and judging about. I just felt the desire to post on my religion and maybe clear up a few things because I really hate the misconception of Mormons.

With this post I am not trying to offend ANYONE. If you'd rather not hear what I have to say - that's fine. You are under no obligation to read this. And, also, I am not trying to compare my religion to anyone else's. I respect every other religion there is and you are entitled to your own opinions and choices, just like I am.

I'm frustrated that I get judged a lot because I am a Latter Day Saint. (Yes, I am a Mormon, for those who didn't know….) So many people are misinformed, especially in my home town. Their sources are not accurate, a lot of it comes from members who have fallen away from the church and have become bitter towards it. I just don't understand why I am so heavily judged by what I believe when those who are Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Wesleyan, Jewish etc etc etc are able to live on freely believing what they believe. Going to church without judgement. It is a free country and we are allowed to worship our God in whichever way we feel is right and true.

This just happens to be the faith that I have come upon in which I believe to be true.

I think it's important to state that we worship JESUS CHRIST. Some people thing that we worship Joseph Smith, no we really don't. Come to our sacrament meeting and you'll clearly see we talk about the Spirit, Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father. Everything is centered around that. Joseph Smith was our first prophet who translated the golden plates which are known as the Book Of Mormon which we believe to be another testament of Jesus Christ. Yes, we still read the bible, we focus upon it a lot. We do not worship the Book or Mormon or get all of our sources from it. In fact, there are many, many references to the bible in the BoM, which a lot of people don't understand.

We put a lot of focus on our living Prophets. No we do not worship our Prophets. But we do listen very closely to their messages. There were many prophets in the bible, so why can their not be living prophets to this day? Who is saying that they had to stop? Just something to think about.

One other thing I want to quickly address - Latter Day Saints do not practice polygamy!!! In fact it's prohibited. over 100 years ago there were a few Mormons who practiced polygamy, but it was stopped. Anyone who is a polygamist is not associated with the Church. I believe those who practice it call themselves FLDS, fundamentalist latter day satins. I think that's a common confusion with LDS. FLDS and LDS are not related.

[You can read more about Polygamy and the church HERE http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/topic/polygamy]

I just ask that before anyone places judgement upon me for believing how I believe and for being a Latter Day Saint - do your research from an OFFICIAL CHURCH website or from the Book of Mormon itself. Please get to understand what I believe before you criticize me and tell me I am wrong.

The best source for information about the LDS faith:

www.lds.org

If you want to learn some of the basics about what we believe check out this article. It addresses many FAQs on what we believe, why we believe some principals, and just some facts about our Faith.

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/mormonism-101