Friday, May 11, 2012

Rambling Thoughts...

Oh boy.... gearing up for a big, and probably my last, trip starting tomorrow! Tomorrow I'm going to drive the lovely 11-12 hour drive to Salt Lake City to spend a week with my friends, apartment hunt, visit Spencer's grave, and walk at the Great Strides event for the very first time! On Thursday I will be going to LA to speak at the annual Starlight Gala!

I feel like a lot is going to happen in such a short amount of time and I am definitely nervous. I'm going to be getting out of my comfort zone for the third time since I lost my husband. I had a BLAST when I went to Colorado and then had my best friend Emily stay with me! We had SUCH a good time and made a lot of memories =) But those ten days were really overwhelming for me. I realized for the first time ever that I am just so lonely - even around my best friends. I'm glad that this is only going to be a week long vacation, but I'm just nervous that my emotions might get the best of me. Is that a bad thing? No, it's not. But I also really want to be able to enjoy myself, not worrying about anything, not always feeling lonely amidst great company. I'm bummed that every time I go and do something I feel this way. It's a reminder that things aren't the same. That I have to adapt to this new life.

I'm planning on getting in to SLC on Saturday night. While I'm there I'm staying with my best friends, Christine & Adam. Monday and maybe Wednesday my friend, Kristin and I are going to go apartment hunting to see if we find anything that might work! I'm really excited about this - but also nervous as I'm being reminded that each day is getting closer to starting this "new" life. I'm SO ready to move back out there - but I'm really uneasy about it because it's change. And change for me, right now, is scary and nerve wracking. I hope that we are able to find something that will work for us! While I am in SLC, at some point I will be meeting up with a couple of my in-laws... Aunt Lisa and Uncle Paul to catch up and get them their riddleofcf t-shirts that they ordered, and I'll make a stop to see my brother-in-law George, and whoever else might be there.... Game night? Perhaps... we'll have to see! It will be really different. I haven't seen them since Spencer passed away - it'll be difficult, but something I can't avoid forever. I want to see them, of course, I just know it'll be hard.

On Thursday morning I will fly out to LA to get all ready for the big Gala! I'm meeting Emily there so that we can hang out that day. I'll do a sound check at some point in time and we will probably just sit in the lobby or something and scout out celebrities ;-) I'm not exactly the type to drool over celebs, but if I am going to be amidst them, I'm going to take it in and see how many I can spot =) On the other hand, we may just lock ourselves in the room and not come out until Go-Time -- Time will tell! This is also going to be a difficult, yet exciting trip. The last gala that I was at, Spencer proposed to me. Thankfully it is not going to be at the same hotel - but it is just the circumstances that are going to be so similar. I'm sad that he won't be there and that my mom and sister aren't able to come... It'll be emotional.

I will get back to Utah mid to late afternoon on Friday and who knows what kind of things will happen then. On Saturday is the main reason that I'm going to Utah. I cannot wait to actually participate in the Great Strides walk to show my support for cystic fibrosis! I have fundraised for this for a couple of years now - but to actually walk is going to be a whole new experience for me. Again - it will be emotional, no doubt! To be amidst CFers and to be supporting a cause that I am SO SO passionate about is going to go over and beyond my emotional breaking point i'm sure. But I am so excited!

And of course I'm WAY excited to see Adam and Christine. I feel so comfortable around them and I can express anything that I need to. They are so sweet and good to me. We always have such a good time together. And I'm so thankful that they always open their doors to me when I am around. Best friends ever imaginable. I don't know what I'd do without them!
Christine just graduated from college and I'm super proud of her. She's had a rough semester because she's been SO busy! She had both a job and internship which usually required her to work 7 days a week. Wow! I don't quite know how she did it! They are now just waiting to start a little family hopefully in the fall! =) I'm excited for a little baby Soderborg!!

I am hoping that I can go and visit Spencer's grave while I am there... I know it's going to be really busy with something going on every day - but I do hope there is at least a couple hours I can take to visit... we'll just have to see how it goes. If not I guess it's not a huge deal as I'll be back in 2 months to MOVE and then I'll be able to visit whenever I need to.

Anyway... those are just a few of my rambling thoughts for the day...

Oh and hey!! You should also check out for a new poem of Spencer's that I posted, "Conner's Wings" and a few new news articles that I posted in "CF News" under the "Cystic Fibrosis" tab. ALSO you should join in on the daily facts and weekly challenges that are posted for CF Awareness Month!!! =)

1 comment:

  1. You are so sweet! We love you and are so glad that we get to spend this time with you!!!