What a title, right?! Hopefully it doesn't lead to too long of a post, but it might, just be warned!
I tell you what, since being back in Utah it's been a little crazy. My emotions have been up, down, left, right and just about everywhere. I have my good days and I have my bad days. And even just good and bad moments.
Ever since last Saturday I think I have hit a spot of real anger in this grieving process. It's the first time I've ever experienced emotions like this. I am feeling angry at CF. I am angry that my husband is no longer here. I am angry at God because He didn't let Spencer stay with me longer. I am having a really hard time with these feelings because it's SO unlike me to be so angry. Especially with my Heavenly Father. My feelings and emotions right now are all so conflicting and confusing. I'm just trying to deal with things as they come up and try to figure out how to get past it. Trying to not let the anger take over, and I think I'm doing an "okay" job at it... Just another one of those obstacles that I am facing!
On Monday I got a call from ARUP Labs for an interview! When I was speaking with HR I was told that it was for the molecular oncology department and was pretty excited about it! I couldn't believe that the interview was going to take place so soon - in fact I had it today! When I went in to have the interview I was shocked when there was not one, but three men sitting there! I found out I was interviewing for 3 different positions!!! I also found out that they were all in the Infectious Disease Department. It was immediately nerve wracking because that's something I was NOT expecting, but at the same time it really helped boost my confidence knowing that I was being considered for three positions!
I think that the interview went SO, SO well and I'm very proud! When I think back about my answers to the questions I really can't think of a way to answer better. Usually I am always doubting myself, but this time -- there are no doubts. No regrets. I know that I did my best and I gave it my all. I prepared for the interview as best as I could and went in there with a lot of confidence.
I got to tour the lab in two different areas. It. Was. Awesome. I know that without a doubt I will love working there if I get the job. It was really overwhelming and I know that training would be REALLY overwhelming, but completely worth it!
Thank you to everyone who thought about me, send good vibes and prayers my way. They were DEFINITELY with me through the interview process. I felt them, no doubt. Hopefully I get a call offering me a position soon!!! :)
Last night I was having a hard time falling asleep. A lot on my mind with the interview the next day. I finally was able to get to sleep around 12:00 or 12:15. I was woken up about 10 minutes later by some sirens but didn't open my eyes, I was really annoyed. They kept getting louder and louder and I saw some flashing lights through my eye lids. I then heard some cracking and banging and so I opened my eyes to figure out what was going on. Something wasn't right. I got up out of bed and looked out the widow and to my horror I saw flames engulfing a house and scary close to some trees. The fire was only a few houses away. So, so close.
It's truly amazing how quickly adrenaline kicks in! I was still pretty disoriented and half asleep, and so I didn't know how close or far away it was. I had no idea if it had the potential at that point to reach the house. I also didn't know if maybe they were trying to evacuate. I'd never, ever been in that situation. I also have a fear of fires and anything flammable (for those who don't know lol) and with all of this intense heat and it being so, so dry, it really had me scared. There have been SOO many fires! I began to shake like crazy and stumbled over to my jeans as quickly as I could. I got dressed, grabbed my phone and keys and went upstairs and outside. The noises were something I've never quite heard before. The water hitting the house. The flames cracking. The thuds of wood falling to the ground. The sound of the intensity of the flames. The sirens. Neighbors talking and yelling in fear. The sounds of footsteps as neighbors ran to the source to see what was going on.
I just stood there in a daze as I looked over the trees and saw the fire and the smoke engulfing everything in its path. I stood shaking uncontrollably as I feared for the lives in the house. I wanted to cry because I had never witnessed anything like it.
I then did what any 21 year old woman would do.... called my momma (oh, you wouldn't have done that?! well dang, I guess it's just me then! HA!) at 1:45 in the morning her time. Whoops. But I was scared. Alone. In a situation very unfamiliar. Everyone else had a spouse or their children. They had their neighbors to talk to. I didn't know anyone. Completely alone. People rushing around me as I stood and watched the blaze. I didn't know if I should be concerned about leaving or if I could go back to sleep. I should have just stopped and thought about it a second instead of calling my dear mother. But oh well ;-) I then walked down to the end of the street to see the source of the fire. I stood with the neighbors and just watched the fire fighters extinguish the flames. Smoke rolling into the black night sky.
I found out while standing there that there was a family who lived there. Everyone had gotten out okay. When I saw that the fire was mostly contained I went back home and just sat on the porch and thought. About how crazy it was. About how quickly something can happen. Anything can happen. About how lucky the family was to get out alive. About how scary and close it was to me.
This morning and throughout the day I found out more about the fire:
I heard that the mother went into labor, and this morning the dad had a mild heart attack. Absolutely crazy. Mom and baby are in the hospital due to a high risk pregnancy and the dad is doing okay. Their house looks awful. There was about 130,000 dollars in damage. It's devastating to see.
I am so very thankful for the quick response of the fire department. It had the potential to escalade so much more and without their efforts so much more damage could have been done, not only to the house, but to surrounding homes. I am thankful that the family is now safe!!!