Motivation (or lack thereof)

I'm lacking so much motivation right now. I was doing great all through the semester and with my first final - but I have two to go, one tomorrow and one Wednesday and I cannot focus enough to study to save my life. I try, but then I think of something else that seems much more important.

Not good. I've missed the last couple weeks of class because there is SO much going on in my life right now. Though I think I am starting to sort everything out and work around it all - but it doesn't help that my lack of motivation hits around the time of finals and when I have SO much catching up to do!!!

I'm just done.. I don't want to do anymore... but isn't that how almost every student is around this time of year. Anything to procrastinate only 2 tests left. You'd think that only 2 tests left and then being done would be source for motivation to just do it and get it out of the way... wrong. Unfortunately that is SO wrong!

Not to mention that since we've been in the hospital for two weeks - my eating has been TERRIBLE and I haven't slept very well.... This plays a huge tole on my body. I am starting to feel SO sick from the crap I'm putting into my body and the little sleep that I'm getting. BLAH. So of course I'm feeling really nauseous and so terribly unhealthy and I'm so fatigued and tired. It's hard to keep my eyes open let alone focus on a page of 1,000 little words having to focus to keep it from becoming a blur. I haven't the energy to even sit up... honestly - it's that bad. My body feels like it might just fall apart right now.

Oh dear how i CANNOT wait to get home *hopefully* tomorrow. Spence has PFTs tomorrow at 11 and the plan is to discharge.. his FEV1 is at 31% I think up from 23% upon admit. Making progress but I'm kind of worried about tomorrow. It'll be ok. Just have to think positive. I can't wait to get home. Start doing some walking or cycling. Eating fruits and veggies and small portions of healthy meals!!!! The thought of a hamburger, chicken sandwiches, grilled cheeses just turns my stomach upside down!!!! Even thinking of ice cream, and juice makes me sick. I want ice water.. No sugar. Amazing how much you miss the things you can't really have >.<

Anyway... Here's to finding some inner motivation to get me through tonight!!!!!

-Nikki

(and ps... Of course I had to say in one of my last blog posts that I want to try and write at least once a day.... my computer crapped out. The screen went black and I can't use it. So I have to share Spencer's computer ((which I accidently turned into 'mine' through google accounts! explanation later XD)) So I don't get on the computer much to say the least! Doesn't look like I'll be able to afford much of anything any time soon... UGH.... so blog posts daily only if I get the chance!)