Friday, April 19, 2013

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes... Again

Instead of some carefully worded post with a fancy and lengthy intro paragraph I'm just going to cut to the chase with this one and get down to the details because I am just not sure how else to do it...

Because of everything recent going on with my health, my life is taking some major changes once again, and I can't say that it's been, or is going to be, easy. Since I've been so incredibly sick I unfortunately had to quit my job. It was one of the hardest things that I've had to do. I sat and agonized and shed a lot of tears over the decision for days but in the end it was really my only option. There was no way that I could return to work on the 16th and I was constantly worrying and stressing over getting myself better quicker than my body wanted to...  And on the other side of things, it was really unfair to my co-workers and my supervisor for me to ask for another extension on my personal leave because I wouldn't have been able to give my supervisor a reasonable return date, not to mention it just flat out sucks to be short staffed. I've been in that situation myself and it makes a wonderful job hell for awhile when you're really busy.

I had a very good talk with my supervisor and things went so much better than I expected them to. He was very understanding, said some very kind things to me and marked me down for rehire, which was not only flattering but a big relief knowing that I'm still in good standing with a company I love and that I would go back to work for in a heartbeat. It's really hard leaving my co-workers and this job.

To my co-workers (since you ran across my blog -- pshh stalkers ;-) Just kidding!) -- You guys deserve to know how awesome you are to work with. You were the ones who made me want to come to work each day, maybe not at 6am BUT you made it bearable ;-). You made working in IDRT really enjoyable despite all the wonderful samples we work with! ;-) I'm so sad that I only got 6 months to know each of you, and some of you even less time. Each of you have an amazing work ethic that I haven't ever had in co-workers before. You each really care about the work that you do and it's to be applauded! Keep up the good work and I really hope that someone in IDRT gets recognized for employee of the month -- I personally think you all should get it because you all deserve it that much!! Keep in touch - Of course I'm on facebook!

Now secondly.... because I had to quit my job I'm forced to make some tough decisions. I no longer have the means to support myself, my insurance benefits are gone, and all the money that I was able to save up during the nearly 7 months that I worked is disappearing very quickly. I'm going to very quickly be in a financial bind with all of the medical bills that I have and with general expenses that come from being sick. I also am still pretty sick and I need my families support. So I've made the decision to move back closer to home. I just don't really see any other way. I can't go back to work or get another job right now, I can't do things by myself, and I hate having all of my stuff in two different places.

In all honestly I've been thinking about moving back closer to home for awhile now because things are just not the same as they were when I was married. But I suppose that's another blog post for another day because there is a lot to that.

I hate being in limbo. I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place trying to know what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' for me; my future, my health, my well being, and my happiness. I've just been taking everything day-by-day. I hate not having a plan -- hate it more than ever. But there really isn't a way to make a plan since I have no idea how I'm going to feel from day to day, no, really its been hour to hour.

So as of right now, I have a tentative plan that involves taking it day-by-day. I am going to fly back to SLC on Sunday. Ought to be an interesting and a difficult trip to make, but since I don't have a car and I'm not ready for my parents to help me move my things back, that's really my only option. I have to be in SLC by Wednesday for a study visit with my GI. While I'm in SLC I have to work everything out with my clinic to get my records back home. I also have to talk to my landlord about my lease since I'm supposed to live there until September. Hope that all works out. She has been really sympathetic of how sick I've been so I really hope that she'll understand. I just basically need to tie up a bunch of loose ends before I actually move.

Because this time it's not going to be for just a few months, or until I get back on my feet with my health. This time it's permanent. At least for several years. Many years. I plan to go to school back in KS, NE, or CO... I have many options of where I want to live out here. As long as it's within a couple hours of home (I'm not wanting to go much more than 4 hours away) I'll be okay. Easy access to family if I need them.

SO I'll be in Utah for an undetermined amount of time. It could be through May depending how long I am going to be required to pay rent. If I don't have to pay May's rent then I will be moved by the end of April.

With all of that being said -- I want to see my friends for the time that I'll be back. Yes I may be really sick and not up to doing much of anything. But if we got along, hung out, talked a lot, whatever the case may be, I want to spend some time with you before I move. It's hard leaving a place that I've called home for nearly 4 years. Of course I will visit Utah from time to time, but I can't always see everyone when I'm back. So if you'd like to spend some time together, please let me know! We'll work something out. I am thinking about having a get together at some point at some place before I leave with all of my friends; but that will be determined later.

I'm really bummed about all of this, but I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity for myself. I have to look at things as positive as I can because I feel pretty defeated at this point. I'm really looking forward to being closer to my family and building stronger relationships with them. I'm glad that I'm getting amazing support from not only my parents and sister, but my grandma as well. I'm happy to be back in an area that I used to love to hate on, but now have grown to greatly respect and miss when I'm gone. I'm excited for those summer storms that come through. I'm looking forward to having my own space again. I'm looking forward to opportunities that might arise, and keeping an open mind to everything. And I'm looking forward to the visits that I will make to Utah to see friends and for special occasions that makes our friendship even stronger.

So again... it's not goodbye... it's just a see-ya-later =)

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