For the most part, I have attempted to put Valentines day to the very back of my mind and as completely out of focus as possible. It's been fairly successful, but today it hit me that once again I'll be spending my Valentines day alone. While I realized that is a GREATLY commercialized holiday, what girl doesn't get at least a little bit giddy at the thought of romance and special attention from the one that you are head over heels for?
I'm definitely no exception. I've always enjoyed Valentines day. I never, ever needed an excuse to show love to Spencer, as I did it every single day... But this is the one day that I could get super creative and that the bar would be set a little bit higher to see in what unique way that I could express my love and devotion to my husband. I never expected much from him, and he never expected much from me. Usually we just went out to Olive Garden for a date, watched a movie when we got home and called it a night. It was never anything over the top, but it was special. It was a reason to get out and celebrate our love.
But Valentines day is different now. I no longer look forward to it, and I get a little sad when I think of all the couples together. I get a little spiteful (just a little bit!) at those who have someone to share the day and evening with. There is naturally a little bit of jealously there.
I went shopping today for a few things. I needed to do something that would get me out of the house. Upon arriving at the store I was bombarded with red, pink, and white. Everywhere. Dozens upon dozens of last minute men frantically searching for some flowers, a card, or a gift for their loved one. Every aisle I walked down in the front of the store was covered with Valentines day things. I wasn't in any rush to get back to my house, and so I spent about 2.5 hours walking around the store. People watching. Getting caught up in my own thoughts.
As I was looking at all of the Valentine items, I made a spontaneous decision to visit Spencer's grave tomorrow. I can't say I'm looking forward to it, but I really wanted to participate in the holiday in some way or another since it used to be one that I enjoyed. It would, of course, be unpractical to buy something for him, so I decided to buy some grave decorations instead. This turned out to be a bit more difficult than I thought. Finding an inexpensive gift that will last. One that isn't plush, it can't be foam, no paper at all. It can't be too light, can't be too big, but yet I don't want it to be too small. Limits my options quite a bit, but I found a couple things that will work.
I just hope that everyone celebrating Valentines day tomorrow really takes a moment to realize what you have. I hope that you don't get too caught up in the commercialization of the holiday.
I guess my closing message with this whole post is that I want you to know that you are incredibly blessed that you have the ability to share your love with someone, and to be able to feel that love back in return. While you are enjoying a kiss, a touch, or a warm embrace, I, and many others, are longing, hoping, and aching to feel our loved ones spirit for just a split second, if not more.
If you didn't quite get the evening that you imagined in your head, don't get distraught over it and let it ruin your night. Embrace what you're given and make the most out of it. He/she tried, and that's the most important thing of all. Even if all you get is a card, or even just a kiss, you were thought about with love and for that you should be grateful.