December has really crept up on me. For some reason I thought it was still weeks away. The other night I was talking with my mom and she reminded me that there were about 5 different things to look forward to this December. 1. Me coming back home 2. Shayna's birthday 3. My parents anniversary 4. Christmas. And 5. My birthday. MY BIRTHDAY. What?! I cannot believe that I forgot about my own birthday.
I guess that's been quite low on the priority list.
But something that I find even harder to believe? Spencer has been gone 1 day shy of a whole year.
At this point last year I was sitting at his bedside waiting for my parents to arrive. Just holding his hand and looking at his beautiful face. I can't believe it was 1 year ago. How did I get here?
Where did the time go? I've been asking myself a lot recently something to the effect of, "How did I make it this far?" I think of everything that has happened within the last year. There have been so many moments that I so desperately wish my husband could have shared with me.
Turing 21 years old. Holidays. Moving back out to Utah and finding a place to live. Going through the interview process for the very first time and ROCKING it. Landing my first "real" job that I actually really, really love. Joining a new ward. Being involved in things he would have loved to do with me. The list really does go on.
I have changed a significant amount from knowing Spencer and being his wife. Some has been for the better. And some has been a digression in things that I gained while we were married that I'm working on getting back. (were married, it still is awful to say) I learned so, so much that I have put into practice this year that he taught me. Valuable lessons I keep very close to my heart.
I'm going to take you back a year ago. When we first learned Spencer wasn't going to make it. The outpouring of love and support was extremely humbling and overwhelming for me. But something else that overwhelmed me? The number of messages that I got from all of you telling me how Spencer changed your life. How you learned so many things from him that you would remember forever.
I was told many times by friends, and even strangers, how you were going to live your life differently in some way to honor him and in memory of him. All for Spencer. Sometimes it's easy to say these things and then forget about them. It doesn't mean that they weren't true, but it's easy for life to get in the way of promises we make and things that we say.
So I just wonder... how many of you remember what Spencer taught you? How many of you remember how he inspired you and touched you? How many of you remember the promises you made to him before he died to live your life in a different way because of him?
Now... how many of you followed through??
If you want to, I would be delighted to hear the answers to my questions above. Just post a comment to this blog. If you'd rather keep it to yourself, that's just fine too.
But I want to pose a challenge to you for the remainder of this month...
If you made a promise or commitment to Spencer, or in honor of Spencer, before he died, try to fulfill that promise by the end of this year. Maybe you said that you'd be more kind and loving. You'd take more time to appreciate the things around you. You'd give more to others. Anything.
I want you to reflect on the lessons that you tell me that my husband taught you, no matter how small; and instead of verbally saying these things, I hope that you will act upon them. Change something. Do something. Make a difference in your life, for the better, because of the way you were touched by a young, selfless man.