Tuesday, January 19, 2016
For the next year and a half there are many things that I just absolutely cannot change and I've really been letting it get to me this week. For some reason this semester seems like a more difficult adjustment for me to make than the last.
My schedule is completely different, my classes are significantly more difficult, I have a couple different professors to get used to, and I'm having a much harder time settling into a routine.
I find myself a lot more irritable and frustrated over so many things. I can't figure out how to study for my classes. My living situation is less than ideal in the dorms. I can't seem to get a good nights sleep (which definitely contributes to my irritability!) The fact that I don't have any income and can't balance school and work worth a damn. After a long day I can't lay down and watch Netflix or browse the internet because we can't get a good wifi connection in our room. That I have to jump through a million hoops with nearly every little thing I do. The list goes on.
Last night as I lay in bed for over 2 hours listening to loud bangs and the constant dribble of a basketball from the dorm above us I was livid. They've been talked to about it twice before and it's never helped, I was exhausted, I was unable to shut my brain off, and every time I drifted off to sleep I'd be woken up a few minutes later by a door slamming, a ridiculously loud bang from above and I'd have to start the cycle all over again.
All I could do was complain. All I've been doing is complaining. I've been here before. Many times. Sometimes when it seems like absolutely nothing can go right and all you can find is the wrong it's not necessarily your surroundings or your circumstances that is to blame. Instead it's your attitude.
We ALL have things we wish would change or circumstances that are less than to be desired. We can choose to be miserable or to make the best of the situation. It's like someone super special at DCH always says, "Think positive, not negative" with a big smile and thumbs up. I need to take that statement to heart right now.
I need a major attitude change. Today I have taken a step to change the things that are in my ability to change and the things that I can't I need to work on accepting the way that they are.
I know that things with my classes will improve. They aren't supposed to make sense to me RIGHT NOW. That's why I'm going to school. My situations are only temporary. I'm so anxious to be done with school, move out of North Platte, figure out where I want to be, and start my career that I'm having a hard time enjoying the process and seeing the good, not the bad.
It's not easy but I've got to try. I'm tired of being miserable where I'm at and with the things outside of my control.