I guess I just kind of need to ramble a little bit. This won't be organized, or probably make much since because my own thoughts are not complete and I'm finding it hard to speak/type exactly what I'm thinking... So just bear with me =/

I'm having a rough time... Not having a vehicle and the freedom to do what I want/need to do is really bringing me down. Poor Spencer is in the hospital and is just miserable. He hasn't got the blockage completely cleared out and so he's bloated, nauseous, and in some pain. He can't stop throwing up the golitely and so they want to put an NG tube down into his small intestine so that he can stop throwing it up. He doesn't handle them well at all and I wish I could be there with him.

He doesn't have any of his belongings... I have his computer, he finished his book, cell phone and wallet are at home - he's very isolated and no one will visit him...

I'm at a spot where I'm just feeling guilty. Guilty because I can't go and see him... I am the only one that ever goes to see him regularly (there are a couple exceptions) and he's just feeling plain crummy. I want to be there for him.... Just to support him - but I can't even get up there =( I feel helpless.

He's not with his normal care team or even on his normal floor. He can't seem to get in touch with anyone that he is familiar with at the hospital (rec therapist etc) to get books/computer etc. and so hes super, super isolated, only having the TV for "company". If any one is reading this and you feel compelled to do so - please Give him a call or visit if you can. I usually don't ask for help - but I need someone to be there for him =( It would make me feel a lot better. As I've said he doesn't have his phone or computer so you'll have to send me a message (nikki.johnsonn@gmail.com, or through facebook) if you want the info to get in touch with him...

When Spencer is sick in the hospital I am so used to being able to be there for him at the drop of a hat - but I feel so worthless right now. I'm needed but can't be there.

There is a lot to do around the house.. and I'm slowly trying to get it done... but now I'm also wanted to help out someone else when I'm finally getting on a roll with my own housework. It's a complicated situation in which I am not going to post it all here.... but I feel the need to help this person out as much as I can...
Idk it just adds on even more stress not knowing exactly where I want to/need to be. I feel like a lost puppy who's run away from home.

I realize I'm repeating myself a lot.. and it may not all make since, but I don't care at this point... I just need to let it all out. My thoughts are ALL jumbled and I can't even think straight.

I guess I've half way said what I wanted to say... don't feel much better but maybe later I will.

Oh the joy....

I can't sleep =( I woke up around 1:15 with really bad intestinal cramps. Went back to sleep and woke up a few minutes later still cramping. so for the last 4 hours I've been feeling miserable.

I always get worried when my bowels aren't being nice.... Is my Crohn's acting up again, or am I just having an off/bad day? I've had a few symptoms of Crohn's I'd say the last 3 or 4 days, but nothing that was too concerning - until tonight. These are definitely IBD intestinal cramps and they hurrrrt =( The cramps kind of come in waves.... but the discomfort is constantly there.

I have been getting bloated pretty badly for awhile and so I decided that I should try probiotics again to see if that helps. I started about three nights ago, just knowing that my GI system wouldn't feel very well for a week or 2 as it adjusts and re-aligns. So could it be the probiotic finally doing it's thing? Maybe.... I have no idea.

I've also been stressed beyond belief this week with everything. Spencer's been sick for a couple weeks now with a partial blockage and so he hasn't been able to do much of anything. It's always so hard doing everything around the house by myself. I know he would help me if he could... he does when he's feeling well. But his stomach is seriously bothering him and with minimal eating his tiney CF body just doesn't have any energy or strength. He's been sleeping 95% of the day.... So I kind of feel like I've been wearing myself out with chores and wondering what to do with Spencer.... helping him out when he needs it... etc

I also found out my car is totaled and so I've been seriously stressing over what the heck I'm going to do. I finally got the settlement papers in the mail today... yesterday.... Monday.... They are paying me a good amount of money and we figured we better just take it. Great - I get a new car.... but how the heck am I going to find something around $4,500 that is reliable, good mpg, has a lot of space for Spencer, and low miles. I got super overwhelmed yesterday about finding a good car - and then mom saved me. She told me they might, well probably will, be able to take out a 2,000 dollar loan to help me out so that I can get a decent car within my price range. That took a whole bunch of weight off my shoulders.

But I lose the rental car on Thursday.... Spencer has a clinic appt on Wednesday and possibly getting admitted for his blockage. I won't be able to visit him as I have to be here at the house with Nacho and to talk at church on Sunday. I also have to find a car but I can't really go anywhere without a vehicle. It's just lovely =/ I REALLY wish I could have the car for at least until I can find another car - but alas I can't.... And I sure can't afford to pay the price! (it's $53 a day... not to mention I'm not 21... so that's not even an option...)

I don't know... life just throws more curve balls at me every way I turn. If it isn't one thing it's another and when it rains it pours. I know in my mind that things will work out because they always do - but sometimes it's hard to look past it when a million things hit at once or one right after another. Guess we'll see what happens!

I hate writing so many negative or depressing blog posts in a row. I hate being upset, unhappy, down, or depressed - but this seems to be one of my only outlets.

Today my feelings and emotions have just caught up with me. Today has sucked. It's been hard and I just want it to be over.

To start out with things... Spencer has been sleeping on the couch for the last week-ish due to either reflux, breathing issues, or stomach issues. It gets lonely not falling asleep beside him and waking up to him in the morning. I hate it. I want him to be comfortable and have a good nights sleep but I just hate not having him by my side. I have to be without him when he's in the hospital for 2 weeks - it's even worse when he's in the house yet in a different room.

Not to mention I feel like we haven't done anything together in such a long time. He's been sick for what seems like alllll summer and I'm getting really down about not being able to do anything with him... enjoying our summer together.. Enjoying being married and spending time together. I feel like everything has been so distant between us because he hasn't been feeling very well. He's been sleeping 90% of the day and I get so lonely. I resort to reading or doing housework and I'm getting sooooo sick of it. The house is never clean and I can never get caught up. I love reading but I'm just getting tired of doing it. I try to go outside but it's been soooo hot and wears me out and makes me cranky because i don't know what to do.

I don't know where to go, what to do.... I just don't know =( There are many things that I want to do - but they aren't much fun doing them all by myself. I want to spend time with my husband... a healthy husband.. is that too much to ask???

So now that you know I've been waking up kind of lonely every morning - it doesn't help when you get a phone call saying that your car cannot be fixed. Ugh. I was trying to get caught up with cleaning the kitchen today (failure it seems)... and I get a call from insurance. They told me that after getting the bumpers taken off of my car there was a lot more damage than they thought there would be and it would cost more to fix it than the car was worth. Therefore my car is a total loss =-( this was the WORSE news possible. None of this was my freaking fault yet I am going to have to take a loss on my car and figure out where the heck I am going to get a new one and be able to afford it =( We have to have a car. With Spencer's health as unstable as it is, it's not good for us to be without wheels. If he starts coughing up blood or spikes fevers or needs medical attention we need to be able to get him to the doctor. He has so many clinic appointments and we have to be able to go to them... Not to mention I am working on getting my license for CNA and I start school in a month - I need a car for work and school. I could figure out how to take UTA to campus but ohhhhh man I don't want to have to do that - I'd have to leave hourrrs before classes start and I'd be home really late at night =( I mean yes, it's an option and I'd do it if I had to - but I'd like to avoid it.

Not to mention Spencer can't take UTA because of his oxygen needs and so if we want to do anything together we have to have a car to be able to go =( So we'd be stuck at home... all. the. time. And that would just bite.

They are going to pay me for what my car is worth. That will be determined next week and I guess we'll see. I'm guessing I'll be reallllly lucky if I will get at least $3,000 back on it =( We paid 5,600. Ughhhh. Good luck finding a reliable car for less than 3,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom has so kindly told me that we could use the money to fix the transmission on the station wagon in KS so that we can have that. But I REALLY want to avoid that. My mom is driving a REALLY crappy car to and from work every single day and she needs that vehicle. I feel so bad taking it from her.

I don't know what to do. This just sucks. So... SOOO much. I don't know how much longer I can have the rental car either.... My guess is they will pay for it until I get the check for a new car and then they'll take it back.... GREAT. Car-less before I'm even ready. This whole situation SUCKS and I just want to break into tears because I'm just SICK and TIRED of nothinngggg working out.

When it rains.... it pours.

I am supposed to babysit 2 times next week - but in order to get that money I have to have a CAR to get there...

I could really use thoughts and prayers. I'm falling apart and I need something good to come along... fast. I don't know how much more of this I can mentally handle. Something has GOT to give.....

Kinda seems like we/I can't win.... If you've read my previous posts I've been having a rough time. Feels like everything is piling up and overloading me. I think things are going great and are looking in the right direction and then what seems like a huge curve ball gets thrown in the way and I get discouraged. It's been pretty hard for me to take care of myself. Spencer has been pretty sick for about a week now and so I've had to take care of him more than usual. Running to the store to get gatorade and pedialite, filling up water bottles, making sure he's drinking enough, helping him set up where he wants to sleep at. It's not easy. I know when he's sick because that's when he needs this kind of help. It's tiring for me - but I do it. I love him and I hate to see him struggle. Sometimes I show my frustration but I'm never upset at him - more-so I just hate that he honestly cannot physically do it himself. I feel so helpless - yet I know I help him so much. Just gets hard to balance taking care of him and myself at the same time, you know?

Today was rough. His energy is just zapped and I kid you not he slept ALL day long. Having to help him as much as I did today makes my heart break. I hate seeing him in that kind of shape. Tomorrow leads us to clinic and I know deep down that he's going in. We will arrive at 12:00 for a bunch of blood work and then he'll head down and blow PFTs. Clinic is at 1 and I suspect he'll be there most of the day while he waits for a room. Poor guy. He's just exhausted and I know tomorrow is going to be really, really hard on him. Luckly I'll be there to help him get to where he needs to be. I love him so much.

Now on my side of things... Yesterday I had a WONDERFUL day. I had my adviser appointment with Jenny about my new major (Human Development and Family Studies - Child Life) and it went fantastic. She planned out all my classes with me for the next 5 semesters and IF everything goes as planned - I will be able to graduate Spring of 2013. That's sooner than I had expected!

There's a couple down sides to this though....

1) It's going to be a ROUGH 5 semesters. Especially this 2012 spring semester. Yikes. But I know I can do it if I just put my mind to it. It's going to be jammed packed with core classes for my major and some difficult subjects. (some pretty uninteresting to me lol)

2) I have to volunteer.... a lot for Kids Crew. It's volunteering under the Child Life Specialist at Primary Children's hospital. I knew I'd have to anyway - but the more I do, the better my chances are of getting a) the internship and b) a job... This is just going to make me even more busy... if that's possible!!!

3) I haveeee to get the internship Summer of 2012 at Primary. There is only one place in Utah that does Child Life internships and that's at Primary... great. I have one shot at this one and I have to take every chance I have now to prepare myself to land this. The down side about the internship... It's 40 hours a week, one semester, and it's UNPAID... holy crap. How am I supposed to work, internship, and take 3 classes? Ya... I don't know either. It's going to be a delicate balancing act.

4) If I don't get the internship then I have to either go a different route with my major (I *REALLY* don't want to have to do this) or I have to look out of state... Great. =/

5) After I graduate I still have to apply with Child life and get certified etc...

I am also adding a certificate program so that I can get enough credits in. Shouldn't be too hard - I don't know a lot about it yet - but I do know that It will help me with about any job in Human Development that I want.

I'ts going to be rough and I'm going to need a lot of support - but this is truly where I want to be... so BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!

More to write but I need to think about heading off to bed. I'm sure I'll be blogging again soon!!!

Good night!

Kiwi and Apple Smoothie!

So I've had 3 kiwis in my fridge that I've been dieing to use! I contemplated just eating them, but since I've been on this super healthy smoothie and drink kick, I decided to try to find a recipe that used kiwis. So I found this one!

It includes, 2 apples, 2 kiwis, 1/2 a lime, and cup of orange juice.

First you peel the apples, core them, and cube them.

Then you peel the kiwi and cube them.

Then use the lime juice of half of a lime.

I forgot to take a pic of the orange juice, but you will use about a cup or a little more orange juice.

The result - a fantastic Kiwi and apple smoothie. You can *really* taste the kiwi in this one - just how I like it. I think I might have gotten a little bit more lime juice than I should have, as mine is kind of tart - but I like it =)

I have found that I'm really into the non yogurt smoothies - I like just the fruit with some kind of juice. Not a fan of the texture and aftertaste you get from the yogurt. I've never been a huge yogurt fan!!!

So there you have it! =)

Kiwi and Apple Smoothie

2 Kiwis, peeled and sliced

2 Apples, cored, peeled, and sliced

Just from 1/2 a lime

1-1.5 cups orange juice

Place all ingredience in the blender and blend until smooth (I did about 30 seconds)

Taken from: Kiwi Smoothie

Watermelon Meets Lemonaid

This is a fantastic recipe. If you like lemonaid and watermelon - you'll LOVE this! I decided to give this one a try because Spencer is a huge fan of watermelon and I wanted a twist on the classic Lemonaid. We made it the first time and had about 1.5 liters. We tried a second time and doubled the recipe, and then some, and came out with about 3 quarts. I'm going to give you the doubled recipe because really..... it's *THAT* good!!!

First you'll need a watermelon and some lemons....

Then you'll need a cup of sugar and a 1 cup of water. Combine in a sauce pan and slowly bring to a boil until sugar is dissolved. Set aside to cool...

Next juice your lemons! You will need 1 cup of lemon juice. Now of course you could go out to the store and BUY lemon juice in the bottle - but that's cheating and it's oh so much better if you do it yourself!!!

So here I have my handy dandy little juicer that is perfect for this. Oh and it takes about 6 good sized lemons to make a cup of juice!

Now onto the watermelon... And yes - it was as ripe and juicy as this picture... Please oh please find a watermelon that is THIS good. YUM!!!! It'll be worth it as it'll have much more flavor!! =)

You will need 8 cups of cubed watermelon. Blend 4 cups of watermelon at a time. 4 cups cubed watermelon should equal about 2 cups of juice.

Please don't forget this step unless you like A LOT of pulp in your drinks!!! ;-) You will need to strain the watermelon juice through a pretty fine sieve. Now here is the trick -- strain it TWICE. You will get sooooo much more pulp out. The first time we did it was okay - but we had to drink it through our teeth.. lol straining it twice does the trick!!! Don't leave this step out =)

Combine in a gallon pitcher the sugar syrup mixture that you boiled, 6 cups of cold water, the lemon juice, and watermelon juice that you strained.

The result? - A fantastic 3 liters of Watermelon Lemonaid!!!!

Watermelon Lemonaid

1 Cup sugar

8 Cups Cubed Watermelon (makes about 4 cups of juice)

7 cups water (1 cup used to boil, 6 cups cold water in the end)

1 cup lemon juice

1. Bring the sugar and 1 cup of water to boil until sugar is dissolved; set aside to cool.

2. Put the cubed watermelon in a blender and blend until smooth (about 20 seconds)

3. Strain watermelon juice through a fine sieve TWICE. (Should yield about 4 cups of juice)

4. Mix the sugar syrup you boiled with 6 cups of cold water, lemon juice, and watermelon juice.

Taken from: watermelon lemonaid

Happy Birthday, Love!

Today is my husband's 23rd birthday!!!! Every birthday that he gets to celebrate is huge - as we never know which will be his last. But isn't this true for everyone, well it is - just to a different extent. I mean.... What if this birthday was the last? You know? It doesn't make me depressed, I'm not upset about it - but I've just learned to celebrate his birthday's to the absolute fullest so that we will not miss a single celebration together =) Every birthday is a milestone and I'm so excited that we've reached this one!!!!

We did have some plans today - but Spencer is having a lot of stomach issues so we're going to postpone our plans until he is feeling a littttle bit better and can leave the house for longer periods of time. We were going to catch a movie at the Gateway (Green Lantern) at 3:10 and then go to Red Lobster for dinner!!!! Neither of us have been there and we had a $25 gift card - so we figured it'd be a great time!!!

Sadly I haven't figured out what to get Spencer for his birthday. I had been planning to get him They Might Be Giants tickets for the longest time!!! Spencer grew up with this band and he loves them!!! And we've both been wanting to go to a concert together for the first time.... well they are playing at the Depot in Salt Lake in early November. So I go to order the tickets and you have to be 21 or older to attend!!! =( I was so upset! I will be a month too young =( Sad day. I talked to Spencer about it and told him that if he would still like the tickets that I would buy them for him and a friend/brother but he told me that if he went he'd rather go with me.... aww sweet boy he is =) So I am at a loss!! I didn't think of alternatives! I hope to run to Target, WalMart..... just annnywhere to get him a gift today - Everyone deserves a gift on their birthday: so today he shall get it - I will see to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully we can have a nice day here at home for his birthday... still contemplating on what we could do here to make it special.

Happy birthday, Spence!!! I'm so proud of where you have gotten to - keep on going and you'll reach great heights!!! MWAH!!!! xoxo

Don't worry - I'll be okay... but I just need to vent a little bit... ok maybe a lot. I realize that things get better and part of it is just the way I'm choosing to look at things; but I'm just awfully upset right now. It seems like everything is rushing to the surface and I just can't stop it.

There's been so much going on this past month and I've been trying to stay so strong and supportive but I'm losing my focus. I'm losing who I am. I feel like I've been slowly falling into a low point and back into depression. I just haven't been happy with me, my life, just everything. I seem to be getting upset at the little things. I don't want to feel like this. I liked when everything was fine and fun and I could look at things and tell myself that everything will get better if I just give it time. But right now I just don't feel like it's the case.

I feel like I've let myself go. I don't know who I am right now. I don't know what I need to make me happy. All I know is that I'm not. Things just keep building up and I'm so tired of trying to stay strong. It's like I'm drowning in life. I feel as if everything is just piling up and I can't slow it down and make it bearable. I have the responsibility of the world on my shoulders and it's hard. My self esteem has plummeted lately.... I'm stress eating, gaining weight, becoming much more unhealthy..... I don't like these habits. I'm looking at my life and it seems as if nothing is going right. I know I should be doing what I tell Spence - focus on the little things, one day at a time, there ARE things going right and I need to focus on them; not all the negativity. I'm looking at everything from a pessimistic perspective and I don't know how to stop. I was doing okay for so long - but how? How was I doing it?

I've decided that I'm going to start taking my Zoloft again in hopes that it will help again... but the rest has to happen with me. I have to make the choice to change everything - and it sucks. I want to hate the world. I don't want to have all the responsibility all the dang time. I guess it's just all how I look at it and deal with it.

I think what got me down so much this time is because it seems like it's just a NEVER ending battle with Spencer's health. I love him so, so much and I hate when he's sick with his CF... but when he comes home from the hospital... supposed to be healthy - something else happens. Such as this time.... he came home - serious reflux causing him not to breath as well... His energy has just been non existent. We can't go out and do anything - we can't enjoy summer like I imagined. It's just one thing after another. We can't get a break and it's just breaking me down.

I feel like we can't even enjoy a simple thing such as church. It's taxing on Spence to go through 3 hours. He's just exhausted going through it all yet he doesn't want to leave. We constantly have to worry about oxygen. He's always got his head in his hands and people look concerned. I don't like the stares. I just want to be a normal couple. Go to church together - separate the first hour and then come together the next two and learn and grow in Christ. But I feel like because he's not feeling well for church there is a separation between us.

Last night he was throwing up and this morning is no different. The one thing that we get to do as a couple this week he's not going to. He's not going to go to church (at least the first 2 hours) because he's sick. I hate going by myself. I'm new to it all and I don't know anyone. I don't like the feeling of being alone. I wanted support to talk to the bishop but he can't be there. Where is the support when I need it =( I don't know... I just don't. I mean... I feel so down that I don't even want to go to church. Not to mention for the first time in a really long time I'm having serious cramps which doesn't help the fact that I want to stay home and just curl up in bed... they are getting worse the more I'm awake. I just don't feel like being around people - Yup that's a great sign I'm getting depressed. -sigh-

Just for once... just for a couple weeks - i don't want Spencer to be sick. I want him to have energy, to feel healthy, to be able to ENJOY all our time together. It feels like he's sleeping all the time, doing treatments, or just sitting there with his head in his hands because he's not feeling the best. I want time to Spend with him - but it's like we can't get that because of his health.

Blah... I'm just struggling to get out of this rut I'm in. I'm happy that I recognized it... if I hadn't it could really be a lot worse and I wouldn't have known it until it was too late to kick it early.

I just need to find myself again. Start doing things for myself (and figuring out what that is...) I'll be okay - I know I will... I always am. I always turn around - no matter how low I feel. It just takes time and patience. I really hope that I can put my faith into the Lord right now and feel the support and comfort in that way. I think it would REALLY help me.....

Strawberry Banana Smoothie

This is probably one of the most flavorful smoothies I've ever had.... The Strawberry Banana Smoothie. The flavor is fantastic and the color is really attractive! If you're a fruit smoothie fan - I dare you to try this ;-)

You start off with your three fruits: Kiwi, Strawberries, and a Banana (nanner not pictured!!) and you'll add some apple juice and strawberry yogurt to it. We only had strawberry/banana yogurt - but why not, all the better! =)

First you cut up (I quartered them) a full cup of strawberries. The originally recipe called for frozen ones, but I couldn't find any - and fresh worked just fine. I think I would prefer it! (You can save back one for garnish on the glass, too - you know, just to make it look pretty!)

Then slice one kiwi - No need to cut it smaller than your slices! (Save 1/2 a slice back for garnish if you'd like!) You know... I was having a heck of a time not devouring the fruit as I cut it up. I spent so much dang time trying to get the fuzz of the kiwi as not to cut off any of the precious flesh of the fruit. I LOVE Kiwi!!!!

Stick it in the blender... And don't forget your banana as I almost did..... But doesn't this just look amazing by its self. Ahhhhhhhh.

The Banana - You'll use one whole banana, just slice it as above and you're good to go!

Plop a full cup of the strawberry yogurt into the blender....

And add 1/4 Cup of apple juice..... (excuse the piggy spatula.... I used it to scrape out every bit of the yogurt :D)
After you add all the ingredients PLEASE PUT THE LID ON THE BLENDER (important!) and blend until smooth... only about 10-15 seconds!

Add any garnish you would like to the glass, stick in a straw and enjoy your wonderful smoothie!!! I think it makes about 2 servings, as I had to stick some in my fridge! But heck, it's so good - you'll go back for the rest!!!!

Strawberry Kiwi and Banana Smoothie

1 Cup Strawberries

1 Kiwi

1 Banana

1 Cup Strawberry Yogurt

1/4 Cup Apple Juice

Cut up all fruit and place into blender. Add Yogurt and Apple juice. Cover blender with lid and blend until smooth (about 10-15 seconds) Poor into glass, add desirable garnish, and enjoy!!!!

Strawberry Kiwi and Banana Smoothie

Summer Drink Series

So I've been wanting to blog about the food I make or something similar, but never have gotten around to it... But now that it's summer, Spencer and I are looking at a bunch of different summer drinks to make! We've already made Watermelon Lemonaid (amazing) and this morning I made a Strawberry, Kiwi, Banana smoothie (equally amazing!)

So I've decided to start blogging summer drinks!!! I bought a whole bunch of fruit and so I hope to make a smoothie or different drink every few days and post it =) Maybe it will give you some ideas to switch up the traditional summer drinks.... or maybe a new drink for that party you've been wanting to throw =)

So I'll leave it at that and will blog about my Strawberry, Kiwi, Banana smoothie shortly!!!

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day friends!!! I hope you can all enjoy yourselves and surround yourselves with friends and family today! Even though the food and activities are fun - don't forget what the 4th stands for ;-)

I woke up to a pleasant surprise this morning!! Spencer brought me breakfast!!! And I have to brag on him a little and just tell you how much this meant to me!! Today our ward had a breakfast down at the circle in which we live (well we live at the top of a very steep hill/driveway). I figured that if Spencer wanted to go get some food that he'd wake me up and we'd go together. Well little did I know he had something else up his sleeve.

At 9:00 AM Spencer got his tank out, leased nacho up and headed down the STEEP driveway to the food. After visiting and eating himself he decided to get me a plate of food (how sweeet!) This boy balanced a FULL plate of pancakes, ham, hashbrowns, eggs, and watermelon on top of a glass of juice while dragging his tank in the other hand with nacho attached to a leash in which he was holding - and he went up our driveway with it all!!! I'm amazed he didn't drop any of it!

You have to understand that Spence has a really hard time going up 1/4 of the drive way when we park and head to the house - but he went up the whole thing juggling food, drink, dog, and O2 just for me =) I feel so stinkin' special!

Thank you so much Spencer for this morning =) It really meant the world to me that you did that!!!!!

He's just such a sweet husband and I love him!!!!

We've decided that we want to go on a late afternoon picnic and then watch the fireworks somewhere together tonight. Our menu is fried chicken, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and watermelon lemonaid!! We're heading out to a picnicing area/trail near our house that is a BEAUTIFUL view!!! We're going around 4:30 or 5 and hopefully we can catch some fireworks tonight!!!! We're limited on O2 tanks and so we may have to come home after we're done eating but nonetheless I'm really looking forward to spending some much needed time with Spencer... all by ourselves... oh well with little nacho too ;-)

My thoughts and prayers go out to my brother-in-law and his daughter as they were in a head on collision last night. Myka was flown to a childrens hospital because she had a laceration on her spleen and was bleeding a little bit. But sounds like everyone is now doing okay and hopefully Myka will get released tomorrow!!! THANK GOODNESS everyone is alright!!! The van looked really bad =/

Got some good news in the mail today!!!!! They finally accepted my Voc Rehab!! w00t! So now I will start getting some assistance for schooling, bills, and living again and help finding a job when I graduate. This is MUCH relief as we're barely making it by. I hope it will all come through by the end of this month - but it might take a little longer. The assistance for fall semester would be appreciated as I don't want to have to take out too many loans. Already have to take one out for a new computer as I have 2 online classes this semester!

Another good thing is I am finally getting my car looked at tomorrow to see how much damage there is and how much it will cost to fix!!! I am VERY excited to get everything fixed - I just really hope I don't have to be without a car for very long. Tomorrow is just to assess the damage... I'm ready to be able to safely drive at night again!!!!

Well everyone have a great 4th!!! BE SAFE please!!! =)